Hart of Dixie Wisdom (Pirates and Planksgiving)

1) The real way to spend Thanksgiving as it was intended - is with what we call, PLANKSGIVING. 'BAM.' One of the town of Bluebell's 'most revered (pirate honouring) traditions.' Because there's no elegance or refinement in 'shelling peas, brining turkey, watching football.' And who doesn't want to celebrate with a village pillaged by very Pirates of the Caribbean(y) crew mates? Ooooh 'arrrrr me hearties!! 

2) Like Zoe Hart, we also acquiesce that 'a little fish fry is filled with as much adorableness as it is cholesterol.' Yuh, MAD adorable. 

3) Wade Kinsella, hunky monkey that he be makes for a BUFF buccaneer. In those beguiling garbs, he fires up the shiver in our timbers ;) Double yes, we all would gladly let him plunder him some pirate booty!

4) Any woman who has the audacity to hate 'Oprah and Reese Witherspoon and springtime and the US women's soccer team' is the *worst* and HATEFUL. And a hag. And horrendously horrid. And heinous. 

5) 'Why in the hell' can't all us lasses be blessed with Rachel Bilson's swishy hair and hips and propensity for prettiness in the short shorts? 'Hornswaggle' to that wondrous 'wench!'   

6) I don't know your future in-laws deal with their 'teeny, tiny onions' but Lord knows if they don't have them 'then the whole earth is just gonna spin off its axis.' Wouldn't you sooner punch their teeth down their throat?! 'At least (you) only have to put up with them a couple of times a year.'

7) You live among a 'loyal bunch' when they knock back a 100 dollar bribe. If they were any sweeter, it would fire up diabetes! 

8) Nix boob-revealing counter offers, lest they contain 'an ounce of realism.' That ding dong, wants to browse your Yahoo!! ;)

9) Rejecting a prominent position (you don't desire) at your parents firm is a wise move.  Rage against the corporate machine. 

10) 'Only crackpots talk in the third person.' 

11) There's no denying the sparks of electricity you feel for the someone who stomps over to yell at you, every time you blow the fuse box! 'By like' we don't mean you'd 'do her' (most men would get all 50 Shades of Grey with virtually any decent-looking girl, at the drop of a hat anyways) we mean 'you loooooooove her!' 

12) Stamp elephantishly on the toes of the ethical, so 'NOW something is bothering' when they won't help you out. This step exposes the psychotic competitive drive of a 'real catch' (!)

13) Marauding and swashbuckling 10 year old kids are 'clearly weird' but 'this is how 10 year olds behave.' Weird is way overrated, as are One Direction. 

14) 'There's something very soothing about shelling peas, isn't there? Reminds me of a simpler time, a time when family meant everything.'  Yes, so very tranquil and serene. It just makes your day that much more PEAceful :D 

15) Why would you want to be around your fiance's cheap shot taking family, when they've 'been a judgmental hag' towards you?  

16) Mayors (or any mortals for that matter) 'can't be creeping around exam rooms' at the Doctors surgery. Nancy Drew would never lose her way to the bathroom when sleuthing. 

17) Ahoy there mateys, scuba diving in the bay for buried treasure, may seem MAD cool, but not if a child gets the bends (aka decompression sickness). At such a young age, why are they wandering off unsupervised? Parents are to prevent the perilous. 

18) Mama lions, in order to get your future daughter-in-law on side; you practically have 'to promise to breastfeed her.' Ensure in the store, you're using a teeny tiny mice voice or eavesdroppers won't rejoice due to your sweet deceit. 

19) Maybe we've seen too many Meg Ryan movies (can such a thing be POSS?), but the majority of females WANT to have themselves that 'nice romantic airport goodbye kiss.'  Don't deny us this! Blokes like that are 24 carat. 

20) 'You know, kids -- they get so caught up in stories and fantasies. You feel like a jerk when their little hearts get broken.' Aren't they adorbs? 

21) Holiday is really about community. 'The costumes, the pirate stuff -- that's all just meant to be fun.' Who doesn't love any opportunity for wearing 'ridiculous get up'?

22) 'There are a lot of good folks that are struggling these days. And since when did helping your neighbour turn into a character flaw?' We should be happy to help these poor pumpkins going through a bad patch, willingly. Charitably serve your friends and community - wouldn't you like to think they'd do the same for you? We all need a little help from time to time, accept it graciously. What would Mother Theresa say? 

23) The world is changing, but you don't have to change with it and become a corporate sell out. What is it with these wealthy executives? Are they all just HORRIBLE?

24) Conniving witches that use 'a person's vulnerabilities to manipulate them' are 'just downright unchristian.'  They can all 'go to H-E-Double hockeysticks!!' probably for their own protection before they find their head no longer attached to their own body! 

Disneyland Paris Pointers

Some tips from my trip during 1st week of September 2014. Don't let any of the following put you off holidaying here. This isn't my intention with this blog in any way. It is only to advise and help make you aware of a few factors; in order to maximize merriment and lessen any unnecessary vacation stresses. Please note, these are based solely on my own particular experiences during my visit and nothing will prevent me from being tempted back, it's toooooo magical :) 

POINTERS:

1) It is not at all unusual/uncommon to queue longer for food than most rides. Waiting is not the most fun thing you will encounter at Disneyland Paris. You may get lucky and join a short line but unless you eat at irregular meal hours, be ready to wait and wait and wait. Pushy people will budge in front of you, impatient to wait their turn. So spread yourself out and don't let the sneaky ones bypass you. For example - the longest ride time I queued for was 25 minutes and the largest line for food, was well over an hour. Boo to that! (Even checking into our Santa Fe hotel, I was surprised to be met with a lengthy lane lasting over half an hour) 

2) Take great advantage of single rider, if you are not with young children. It can reduce the time you're in line from as much as 80% (that is not an exact calculation, just a guesstimate). When faced with 60 minutes for Crush's Coaster, we opted for the 5 minute single rider side and were on in 5 minutes. But only pick this option, if you're fine to be parted from your party. You will be split from any friends or family, with you. Single means SINGLE. You are not an exception to the rule. 

3) EVERYTHING is expensive. A Frozen costume for either Anna or Elsa will set you back a whopping 59.99 in euros. This equates to 47 British pounds and 75 US dollars, more or less. Woah, yes WOAH!!!! Mais oui, there are seldom sales, (that maybe Disney Corp mistakenly believe will help you forgive the other extortionate prices) but usually with the out of season stock that nobody is interested in anymore. 

4) Mind out for mozzies!! Throughout summer months, they'll sniff out your sweet-infused blood from all the sugary sweets you've been snacking on. Combat the pesty critters gorging on garlicy grub or with the liberal use of a decent insect repellent. Bravo darlings, to those of you who already do so habitually. 

5) Chaotic buses to and from Disney hotels shouldn't be shocking. In particular, the buses that will get you there before park opening and just after park closing. As soon as it is shut down, there is a mass exodus bus rush, and the crowd do not take any prisoners. If you cross their path, you may be elbowed, shoved out the way and stepped over. As far as the transportation goes, I don't love it. It gets you from A to B, practically right to the entrance but if your hotel is not too far from the theme parks - it could be quicker to walk. 

6) The characters do not roam around freely or frequently as you'd expect. Instead there are designated locations for meet and greets at specifically scheduled times. You can waste many minutes even an hour or more just waiting! And for a photo with the princesses in the Pavilion, you may not even be granted entry after waiting, if you do not have a reservation. Again, beware of queue jumpers who rudely weasel around you, though you were there 29 minutes before them. Do they care? The hell they do! Notify the member of staff who are there to prevent such occurrences. 

7) Buzz Lightyear stops a lot but it doesn't diminish enjoyment. No need to freak out either. There is no danger - you're not on Tower of Terror or a perilous ride where you could be harmed. Just keep on shooting and zapping away at the aliens and your score will increase rapidly. EDIT - I've been informed by trusty sources on Trip Advisor that the stopping is to let passengers with disabilities on and off.    

8) Wear adequate comfy shoes if you intend to dash from ride to ride. There is a lot of walking which may be difficult for little kids (unless you have a pushchair) and it is dramatically energy-eradicating.. Weirdly, I saw many ladies strutting around in high heels?!!!! Are these shoes really *THAT* awesome, that you're happy for the blistering, rubbing and bleeding that will result? 

9) All you can eat buffet breakfast in the likes of Santa Fe hotel are not a spectacular feast. Guests shouldn't be assuming they'll be chowing down a fry up. Perhaps some of the pricier accommodations offer the full works. There's fruit in abundance, stacks of cereal, croissants, toast, nutella, juices (normally the standard - orange and apple) also a few hot beverages from the self-serving machines. So if you're scratching your head as to why it's so damn difficult for them to cook up a simple sausage for you - this is why. They do NOT have them in the kitchen. 

10) The Illuminations Dream show is not to be missed - (9pm the week I went, not sure how drastically the times differ at other times in the year) It is hard to see among the throng, with all the tallies standing up and blocking your view. Except if you are right near the front, or are fortunate enough to stumble across a good viewing point and those in front are kind and stay seated. Lots of people claim a pitch aaaaaaaaaaaaaages before it begins to ensure excellent vision because that's how crazy they are, to shot gun a prime position. Certain areas such as parts of Fantasy Land and attractions around the castle are cordoned off prior to the show - from as early as 8pm, sometimes before. Which means that you will have to walk around further to secure a spot and some of the rides in these areas close when this happens. Something to be aware of. 

11) Pause Gourmande tea time treat troubles - (for those who have signed up for the half board meal plan with your Disney hotel. It shouldn't apply if you merely ask for the tea time treat offer voucher-less) Even if the food place advertises it with a sign, they may refuse your voucher, not serve you or point you in other directions. I don't know if it is because it is more hassle for the food server to process the voucher or something.. But it is aggravating especially if you join a long line only to reach the front and be told NO. Usually the outside smaller establishments are guilty of this and the bigger main ones will accept your voucher. They tend to comprise of a selection of drinks with a brownie/cookie/muffin/crepe (teeny tiny in size) but still a better deal than buying both separately without making use of the offer. And yep, you guessed it - you might risk a large queue at the expense of missing out on other activities you'd prefer. 

12) The staff at Fantasi Gelati were extremely rude on our visit. As mentioned above, they were reluctant to take our Pause Gourmande vouchers despite: us having queued for approx 80 minutes, seeing others having the vouchers accepted, it having a sign about the vouchers right beside the counter. They pleaded ignorance and were irate when insisting they wouldn't give us ice cream.. WE DID NOT REQUEST ICE CREAM. They knew this. Other staff members wished to stop anyone else joining the queue though it was long before it was due to close. All the while, they grinned, sneered and spoke aggressively towards us for daring to ask for what we were rightfully entitled to. Maybe it is down to hearing the 'It's a small world' attraction theme song played on repeat all day. That's enough to drive anyone insane, so perhaps we should have cut them some slack. But it does not excuse the way they treated customers. 

Hope this blog may be beneficial to anybody planning to visit :) Please share and comment. Do not hesitate in booking your trip to Disneyland Paris, you will have a FUNtastic time and make marvellous memories that will have you smiling still 2 years later. You'll love it!! xxx