Sometimes the journey is the destination

THE INTREPID TRAVELER TROTS OFF AGAIN - As dear to my heart as all my friends and loved ones are, it has come to the point in my life where I have sought out another international quest to escape a mundane reality in Britain. For what will be a big, leap of faith I am venturing out for a year's working holiday in New Zealand which just has to be anthologised on my blog. 

While I am certain I will ultimately have a smashing time on the other side of the world, being eleven thousand, four hundred and thirty five miles away from home will no doubt have its hardships. We are fortunate to be alive when technology is extraordinary, so it will comfort me to know that I can just use my Iphone to communicate with my peeps back home. Failing that, I'll be able to take to the ocean to calm me and listen to the waves lapping whenever I please. 

I'M COMING FOR YA, AUCKLAND - Travel fills me with courage that I am capable of ANYTHING.. but don't expect to hear of me skydiving or bungee jumping or anything perilously terrifying, for I am not a thrill seeker by nature. Yet still, trepidation seeps through my veins in the lead up to flying across the globe TOMORROW. So long as I tell myself that 'What's waiting there might be glorious!' then the 27 hour voyage will be bearable. 

The paradisaical North and South Island have been calling out to me for some time that I could not let this opportunity pass me by. Not knowing what adventures await me the land of the long, white cloud is both exhilirating and daunting but I know with surety that I will savour every second. There won't be a moment while I'm away that my heart won't be with those I care for in England, so I will do my very best to keep in touch as regularly as possible. 

"Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye, Cheerio, here I go, on my way. Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye, Not a tear, but a cheer, make it gay. Give me a smile, I can keep all the while, in my heart while I'm away. Till we meet once again, you and I, wish me luck as you wave me goodbye." 

My lips will miss you, Sprinkles and Creams!

Peace out pretties xoxo

Leaving my mark on the world

N.B - I hope this blog entry may uplift or comfort other individuals with birthmarks or those who dislike something about their own appearance. Please feel free to share my personal story. 

For as long as I can remember, I hated my own reflection with every fibre of my soul.. That girl looking back at me in the mirror was flawed, ugly and unlovable. All I could behold was my blood red birthmark on my crooked witch nose. HOW could anyone on this earth, think I was a pretty person? I was born with a capillary malformation on the side of my nose and on my lower cheek, to a lesser degree. Approximately 1 of 330 babies is born this way, with what is referred to as a port wine stain. These infants are NOT tarnished or sullied or deformed but they are distinctive. 

My parents were informed by doctors that my facial markings would fade away with time but that the cute and teeny, strawberry mark on the side of my body would be permanent. The exact opposite is my reality. Doctors get it wrong. The strawberry mark wouldn't have bothered me; it wasn't unsightly and neither was it exposed for the world to scrutinise. Not a single trace of it remains. Short of wearing a ski mask or balaclava over my face on a daily basis, there was no masking my nevus flammeus. The rosy patch on my nose in particular, stood out from a distance (or so it felt to me) and even changes colour according to the temperature, varying from pinks to deep red to blueish purple when I am cold. Laser treatment was an option but it was expensive and there is no guarantee it would have removed every jot of my blot.. it may have even left me with scarring. 

I didn't always feel this intense repulsion for my looks. As a child I was much more self-assured when not wearing a scrap of makeup (you might not know it as I usually appear to be a bold character.. I have always been able to talk to ANYONE but my inner confidence diminished) mainly due to children being more accepting regardless of my face. Never was I bullied or targeted for the way I looked, sure I got the odd stare from strangers or when someone I knew wanted to say something mean I'd be called 'Rudolph' as in the red nosed reindeer, for I am a red nosed Rianne. An occasional insensitive remark back then had no noticeable impact on my well being. 

So when and WHY did I begin to care? Did I honestly think that nobody would want to be my friend? That concealing such a prominent feature would somehow make me infinitely more attractive to the opposite sex? (COS THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!) I can't pinpoint the exact reasoning or anything specific that triggered this insecurity within me.. but after I left secondary school I felt hideous. I didn't want to be me. I wished that I was better looking. I made the choice to begin the tedious daily chore of applying foundation to camouflage my blemishes and it took years to source a brand and shade that did the job satisfactorily. 

In taking this arduous action, I lost not only self-esteem but a large part of my identity. All down to my own inner issues and anxiety with my exterior. I am sick of covering up the way I really look. I am angry that I let depression ever affect me to the extent that I believed a radical transformation was necessary and would magically increase my happiness and feelings of self-worth. It's something I have wrestled with for almost half of my lifetime and I refuse to allow it any longer. For many months I have been trying to pluck up the courage to STOP caking my face in cosmetics. From this point onwards, I am mentally ready and able to accept myself. 

It pierces my heart that anyone else may be experiencing similar self-loathing or fear that they are being mocked or sneered or grimaced at. Don't suffer. Find someone to talk to. Message me. I resent the usage of the term facial 'disfigurement' as these imperfections actually make us unique and there is prettiness in them. I never want anyone to feel pressured to hide or change the way they look. If our faces are offensive to you, YOU'RE the one I feel sorry for. Sorry that you are too shallow to look past the surface and get to know the human being beneath their outer appearance. 

Moving to a new continent in a matter of weeks has inspired this courage within me. I want to embrace my true countenance and to allow the people I meet to see ME. I'm not saying, I'll nevermore use make up to obscure my birthmarks again as some days I may want to .. but it will no longer be a priority or a desire. Why should I/you/any of us conform to society's/ the media's ideals of beauty? I now recognise that *tooting my own trumpet* I am rather great.. I'm fun and have a huge heart. My friends and family like me just as I am. Love yourself. Let your light shine. BE YOU. Unapologetically xx

The one where we went to F.R.I.E.N.D.S Fest

SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY - Who knew that 12 years after one of the most popular US sitcoms ever had ended, there would still be Friends freaks *and I say this endearingly* fanatical enough to attend a Friends Fest in a muddy field, in ghastly weather? The venue for the last day of its UK tour was at the historical landmark Blenheim Palace, birthplace of Winston Churchill. So vast is the estate, that it was a 45 minute trek from the entrance for attendees who had not driven. Presumably, the festivities were held Far From the Madding Crowd in order to keep the commoners away from the elite. 

Just to show that they cared, the organisers provided primary coloured brollies (as per the opening credits of the show) sheltering visitors from the relentless rain. Indeed, we ourselves came suited up in our nice rain gear but stood around like a quartet of berks before lining up for photo taking in the replica set at Central Perk. 

"LIKE YOU DON'T ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING" (Gunther) - Imitating the man with hair brighter than the sun, as we playacted pouring coffee at the counter, made the day that bit more monumental! It didn't even matter that the likeness to the true coffee place wasn't precisely accurate because it was just awesome to make believe. All the same, it did distress me that the cakes were fakes!!!! How strangely joyous it was to plop down on the shabbily iconic, orange, mohair sofa reserved for the squad of six at what was their go to hang out spot.

WE WERE NOT LAUGHING WITH YOU cameraman that was unceasingly quoting the catchphrase 'How you doin'?!' You big, aggravating flirt! Doesn't he know that Joey Tribbiani alone can get away with this pick up line?? Janine, Amy and I took to the stage purely for photo ops not to warble a lesser rendition of Phoebe's Smelly Cat as did some of the extremists!! It's not a partaaayyyy without a guitar, bongo drum and a mic, right? 

Throughout the afternoon clips from all seasons were looped on a big screen and guests were roped into embarrassing competitions onstage. Victims were convinced to dance with a turkey head on their face (as did Monica) and put on as many clothes as poss in a short time limit (like Joey did with Chandler's clothing)! Cos that's what passes for entertainment around here.. :D 

WooPAH!! - (Chandler's feeble attempt at a whipped noise) Could we have BEEN more excited to set foot in the partial reproduction of Joey and Chandler's bach pad???? Well, yuhhh for Monica and Rachel's!! Even so, YAY us that we beheld the entertainment unit which Joey voluntarily put himself in, (resulting in all their furniture being stolen) we lounged in the lads leather chairs (which didn't actually recline), we spun the rotating poles on the foosball table and we simulated paddling in their wooden canoe! All the while, looking like freakin' movie stars! 

To charm more money out of us, Central Perk offered a hot beverage stall where I forked out £4 for a whipped cream and Flake hot chocolate. It was sweet and warm and wonderful to sip on during the downpour; I won't pretend it wasn't. BUT, much to my utter dismay, the Central Perk logo was omitted from my disposable cup!! One can only assume stock had run out, it being the last day of this BANANAS bonanza, for I had seen these on Instagram and so desired my own as a special keepsake. BOO to that. Collectively, we huddled together to stay dry under the gazebo of the Moonlight Diner (the workplace for Monica who had a short run as a waitress with chicken fillets stuffed down her bra!), fearing the skies bucketing it down would never end.  

RAINBOWS MAKE ME SMILE WITH MY HEART - Smack dab in the middle of a savage sky, a vivid, double rainbow caught my eye. As if the conditions were not catastrophic enough, we caught wind of talk that if the sets were flooded out, it was possible that the event would close early. Silently, I made a plea to the universe that we should get to see what we came for as I'm a nice woman and all! Last stop before queuing for our allotted viewing, was Phoebe's taxi cab for several snapshots as a smattering of drizzle fell upon us. One of the lovelier worker's got us in the queue for a slightly earlier time slot as I was concerned we may not get a chance to if the organisers pulled the plug. 

OH de foof! Before entering the mock up of Monica and Rachel's apartment, we had the opportunity to recreate the opening sequence of Friends on the couch with the umbrellas and our cheesiest grins. The hamfisted twit who botched up our photos vexed me no end as he would only take one camera between us, wouldn't allow do overs and cut out Janine turning off the lamp like in the credits. Before we were tossed aside like a sock, I even tried to whip out some of my allure on said twit for a retake but it was to no avail. I am still bitter about this. 

I KNOW!!!!! (Monica's repeated exclamation) Now this was the star attraction and the attention to detail of the living space and the knick knacks it contained was impressive. I couldn't be sure if this was the exact size as the original studio version would be as it was smaller than expected. It was a lifelong dream to roam through the famous living room and kitchen; I only wish it hadn't been with dozens of others simultaneously. I thoroughly amused myself using the binoculars to 'spy' on ugly naked guy across the street, doodle on the etch a sketch, chill on the settee (the one aspect we believe was not authentic) and had a goss and plate of cookies round the kitchen table. Refusing to be rushed or budged, the four of us monopolised the surroundings to great effect!

Just keep Janine away from dustbin lids! Subsequent to convincing a couple to act as paparazzi for us as we posed against the Comedy Central backdrop, like we were z-listers in attendance; Janine took it upon herself to pick up the top of the rubbish bin believing it was a prop! The germophobe was horrified but handled it beautifully :P 

HELLO MRS ROSS, WELL HELLOOO MR RACHEL! - A cut out Vegas wedding chapel was assembled for (mostly) females to dress up as blushing brides and reenact the scene where Ross and Rachel got hitched! Basically, they were the tackiest of frocks and had become sooo filthy from the elements that they had no business being on our bodies. I failed to even manage to put one over my outfit and had to drape part of Janine's over my body. We were looking all fine and yet very much unmarried! 

To conclude our chums outing, I went crazy very publicly at The Silent Disco! We were shown *the* Monica and Ross sibling, New Year podium dance at fake midnight which I replicated unsuccessfully. I have no funk, I have no rhythm but do have a mouth on me and I was very, extremely audible as the headphones volume was set so high. Bemoaning not being able to see the dancers to adequately follow the steps, I instead kicked the balloons around like a 6 year old. Maybe if I didn't do such things I'd be considered a little less losery than I currently am but I had a blast all day long!