Magnificent Melbourne

Day 7 (Friday 6th March 2015) 

My alarm clock is not the boss of me! Hence, I allowed myself the luxury of a lay in until nearly 8am!!!! Climbing down from the top bunk is always a mammoth effort but particularly so when a newbie has placed a gigantic back pack in my way. Meaning, I have to summon greater energy in order to leap down ninja-style in the room's darkness. 

I'm not here in Oz solely to holiday; ideally I'd like to do some things that frighten me to try and hate them a little less. Booking a Great Ocean Road day tour, was one of those that filled me with trepidation enough that I was reluctant to reserve a place. Yep, I'd been put off by reading up on the internet about the accidents and dangers of the twisty, ocean side road and cliff edges. However, the scenery in the pamphlets was too spectacular for me to pass up on. 

Let me preface this by saying, I am NOT the number 1 fan of shopping but by virtue of the miserable weather, I for once felt compelled to hunt down some bargains. Back home, this act brings me closer to death :( HERE I rather liked wandering around Queen Victoria Market and snapping up several souvenirs. Aside from that, I had a touristy obligation to purchase a gosh darn, didgeridoo (you betcha I didgeriDID... I have used that pun farrrrr too much!!) but how on earth will I fit it in my case?!!

Turns out Melbourne is *MAD* for Malaysian cuisine and yet I went for the Thai choice of green chicken curry on the menu at Coconut House. Now I'm coconuttin' LURVING steamed coconut rice which came with it but personally I'd sooner swallow my own big toe than the profoundly disappointing chicken they served up! 

Aside from the usual eccentrics, the Melbourne locals are the most helpful and friendliest residents I have ever encountered. Everybody is all too willing to assist you and offer aid in any way they are able. A kind Aussie fella stopped and took time out of his day to help me find the object of my affections. He began by searching on his Iphone and then pointing me in that direction but on seeing my puzzlement as I followed and found nothing there, he finally took me to the door. Why are these gentlemen not in England? 

DEAR MORTALS, HANG ON TO YOUR SUN HATS FOR I'M ABOUT TO DROP SOME LIFE CHANGING KNOWLEDGE ON YOU!!! ***Max Brenner Chocolate Bar*** find one near you, lest you are not into all this chocolatey stuff. I swear this place is heaven on earth thanks to the chocolate elves toiling away. Not only is it full of the yummiest desserts that surpass what Willy Wonka himself could have dreamt up but it plays songs by my other love - BUBLE.  (and that is why all the cool kids come here) It's a sugary present for your taste buds. 

My exquisite exploding choc shot (consisting of: melted milk chocolate, popping candy and white choc buttons adorned with gummy bears) was divine and I want ALLLLLLLLLLLLL the chocolate in all their stores to be MINE MINE MINE. The only downside was how difficult this one location was to track down if it hadn't been for my handsome knight in shining armour. Break me off a piece of dark chocolate cos I wish to partake again and again and againnnnnn ;) Fair warning, you will have to work out that much harder to obliterate each and every sweet, sweet calorie you consume on the premises. 

Something else I've noted is how many British place names are used in Australia. Just on the short journey to Brighton beach (no not the UK one!) I passed - Richmond and Windsor; had I stayed on board I'd have got to Hampton and Sandringham too. I guess that is to be expected because of the whole dumping our criminals upon these shores! 

As per, I had been heading in the total opposite track to view the bathing boxes at Denby beach. If it weren't for another gent who steered me onto the right route I'd still be searching now!! I didn't dare wade even a little as the waves were insane in high tide though this didn't deter the para sailers. Sandals falling apart at the seams are not the most advisable footwear when trudging along sandy pathways. 

I think beaches make me chill. Cos despite the sky threatening to rain and my rain coat clinging to my now perspiring skin like a limpet; all I could see was the sun breaking through the clouds and the sea shimmering. I could get quite used to the bohemian Aussie lifestyle. 

Denby beach famed for the colourful bathing boxes, each one brighter and bolder than the last is worth a quick trip for pics. Unless it was a really lovely day, I can't imagine you'd need longer than an hour. For about the 6th time that arvo, I couldn't find my way and had to ask the natives for guidance! Did the doc cut out my orientation gene at birth?!!! Mind you, I didn't go back to the station I disembarked from because cyberspace would have it that Middle beach station is closer from the bathing boxes. I couldn't tell you if this is fact because of getting lost so dreadfully as is my shameful predisposition to do so. 

In the evening, I walked around the Docklands and up to the Melbourne Star (their version of the London Eye) with my new found German buddies - Birte and Feliz. We had fun photo taking and appreciating how beautiful the city really is even when it isn't super sunshiney. It was then that it rained, giving me my initiatory taster of Australian precipitation. Due to my feet aching to the extent that I'd have had to crawl home on all fours, we took the heaven sent City Circle tram back to the hostel doorstep. 

Day 6 - No one ever says no to tiny penguins

DAY 6 (Thursday 5th March 2015) 

My maiden voyage to Vegemite territory has me coming over all perky and cheerful :) I don't know if it is Australia in entirety or just Melbourne that is supremely health-oriented but as such I felt compelled to forego the morning chocolatey pastry with sprinkles, that I so desired to get my chops around. To think I chose an orange, carrot and ginger juice over choccywoccy is UNthinkable! Though now I've got a taste for it there's scope for me to become a hoochie for the juicy, so long as the fruits are pulverised for I have a dislike of chunks. 

Made a fellow British buddy from my hostel - Hollie and as it happens she was booked onto the same tour as me to Phillip Island. We were miffed that we weren't taken to the chocolate factory which was one of the reasons I booked through a particular tour company as it was on their itinerary but then I was joined with another group. I would have PAID our tour dude to take a tour detour! It had a chocolate waterfall inside like in Willy Wonka and I wanted to do a Vicar of Dibley and dunk my face in the middle! :D 

We all had to introduce ourselves over the microphone to the 20 or so of us on the mini bus. This is where I took the opportunity to confirm whether or not there would be a choc stop as our tour man hadn't listed it on our schedule for the day. What a kick in the teeth to learn that my teeth wouldn't be overindulging on confectionery delights! A poor poppet from Japan couldn't keep her pain inside either that she was desperate to use the WC! We had to break the news that we were over an hour away from getting out of the vehicle. 

A VALUABLE LIFE LESSON WAS LEARNT: Never wear a dress that will keep flying up in windy, breezy places without leggings it is most unladylike! I had to resort to tying my rain gear around my legs to spare everyone the humiliation of me flashing!!!!!!! On the plus side, I was going to fit right in with the penguins as the tight fastening meant that I waddled like one. 

Maru Wildlife Park is small so we were only there approx 30 mins to see: 

* The pretty koala, all doped up on its drug of choice - eucalyptus. Hahaha I'm sure it was thankful for the grub but pulled a 'see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya' scaling down the tree to do a runner!! 

* Albino kangaroos which are 100x cooler than the regular roos

* All the kangas which couldn't be cuter if they tried. Feeding hoardes of them was a treat :) they have hopped and skipped their way into my heart. The sweet little things clasped my hand with their paws, some squeezed that tightly I was frightened my palm would break. One of the larger Skippies would puff up its pouch and square up to me in a way that intimidated me, to chase me down for more tucker! 

* A donkey snatch the plastic tub of grub directly out of a lady's fingers!! Ooopsy poopsy, she is the worst feeder in the whole world for allowing it to take that and chow it all down. 

Later on, we spotted swamp wallabies merrily bouncing along the hilltops. Yo Skippy, how about you kickbox for the spectators? Normally that would be suuuuper fun for them but no deal on that afternoon. Wallabies are not show ponies after all. 

We torpedoed through Churchill Island as a brief pit stop, overlooking stunning vistas. This charming, historic isle of only 50.7 hectares is tres beau! Yet, I did not see it as a time for unwinding or to take a leisurely stroll (though we had one - the short but sweet lavendar walk) as I was too fearful of the dress situation. I made a mad dash for the only store in the vain wish that they would stock shorts, so that I could wear them underneath. No joy :( 

I withstood about as much blustery force as my outfit could take at Cape Woolamai beach before racing inside. Hollie and I were smartie pants and thought to buy a blanket from the store - which served a duel purpose for me -----> warmth (as by this point it had turned incredibly chilly beside the seafront) and to preserve my modesty!! 

After dinner and a hot choccie we took our seats at Summerland beach, ready and waiting for the penguin parade. We were told that the low tide and cloud cover made for excellent  viewing conditions particularly as this made it darker. Little penguins are afraid of light and foxes - so the picture police patrolling the penguin paradise are immensely strict on absolutely NO photography. With that being said, all images of the penguins on my blog have been pinched from the world wide web *no copyright intended* 

The pinguinos of joy and love took their sweet time to rock up, out from the ocean. The count from the previous night was above 400 so similar was expected again but I don't know what the grand total was. We all made amazed sounds when the primary penguin surfaced with his penguin pals! They were tricky to spot during dusk at heights of only 33 centimetres, plus they are nifty movers. 

Awwwww, I was close to tears as watching these tiny, huggable aquatic birds waddle along the beach in their small groups was beautifully moving. Some from the colony would nearly fall and several would return to the water before deciding it was safe to depart. Sadly, our vision was often obscured by seagulls wanting to steal the limelight and halfwits in the congregation who would stand up blocking everything! My mouth was itchy to shout out for them to sit the hell down but the guards were straight onto it. 

Tell me being here wouldn't cheer up even the most miserable of mankind. We had to be back at our bus for a certain time so I had to tear myself away but watched on fascinated as I walked back on the boardwalk. Here, we got to witness hundreds of the penguins making the start of their 2km journey to their burrows for moulting and to lay chicks. This would take them an hour to get there before their penguin party could kick off :) It was lovely to see them more up close and hear the cute albeit creepy bleating bark noises they produce. Experiencing the phenomenon in full 'bloom' was BLOOMIN' magical in the moonlight. I could have stayed for hours taking it all in. 

In my secret little Melbourne bubble of sunshine and wombattiness

DAY 5 (Wednesday 4th March 2015) 

A lot of work went into making my hair look passably good but it just wasn't cooperating even after a severe straightening sesh. Bah! After all that effort, it was no use because after 2 and a half hours to reach my destination (Lilydale train - through the breathtakingly green and hilly Yarra Valley, followed by a ridiculous wait over an hour for the connecting bus) it was ruined! 

The sun certainly had its hat on and was coming out to play at Healesville Sanctuary. I came here as a loving devotee of wombats and it was here that I had my numero uno contact with them and sighting of koalas in real life. For koala cuties, human interaction isn't big on their list of priorities - it's all about the EUCALYPTUS leaves. What a blissfully tranquil life they lead, sleeping 20 plus hours a day! They look so serene perched in the trees, sunning their fluffy selves before being rudely interrupted when it is their 20 minute time slot to give cuddles to the homo sapiens. 

Facts speak for themselves that emus are like non-pink, evil flamingos so I stay far away from these foul fowls! (Bird punnery) Instead I stroked a Tawny Frogmouth bird and later fed a parrot sweetcorn kernels while it nuzzled on my arm. All the while I was chomping at the bit to have my turn with the most magnificent of marsupials/mammals/animals. I watched on enviously when some kids got to pat and play with a beauty. Riveted, as it had its belly rubbed and endeavoured escape. 

* Platypuses are oddly adorable - in the olden days, it was believed that they were created by sewing together other animals on account of their peculiar appearance. 

FUN FACT - Turtles breathe out of their bum!!

After my 20 minute encounter with Tinsel, the most darling of wombats - I can attest that they're even more adorable in the fur. My heart is so joyful <3 as it was all I could ever dream of but heck I'm still mad at myself for failing miserably at wombat-napping him in all his cuteness. Poor mite was in and out of a food coma from all the sweet tatties he was ravenously wolfing down; yet he was still peckish enough to chew at my top and rip a man's shoelace clean out from his trainer! I was crying with elation on the inside when Tinsel put his chunky arms upon my leg, enabling me to nab a quick hug. 

CHEEKIEST PEST = A sleazebag of a duckie nipped my bum when confusing it with the grub it was stealing from within the wombat enclosure. Pesky creature! 

The Spirits of the sky bird show didn't take off as smoothly as they'd hoped as some of the birds of prey literally wouldn't take off when they were meant to. The kookaburras and eagles were intimidated by the wild eagles soaring overhead which left them too daunted to perform all of the tricks. The shrieks that pierced the air indicated that the bullies really wanted to pummel their beaks right in! :( The starlet chirped out *real* words as she mimicked her master and even growled a tiger impression. 

Went with the #105 girlies out to the crazy cool, Queen Victoria night market which is massive. It houses over 60 foodies with street stalls of amazing cuisine across all continents. I ate a crap ton of spicy nicey Bang Bang Chicken just to say that my day went out with a bang! :D 

How have I missed out on this country for 29 years of my life?!!! (Days 3-4 but only my first and second in Ozzie)

(Day 3) A golden orb of sunshine fell out of the sky, the moment I initially clapped eyes on Melbourne. What a lovely greeting, along with several hot air balloons soaring across the horizon. I'm kicking myself for not snapping this moment but I was on a bumpy bus ride to my hostel and had only just stopped wanting to (figuratively) kill myself after the flights. 

Check in was too CHIRPY for 7 am on a Monday morning, subsequent to the torments of travel. I always feel awful arriving when everyone in the dorm is fast asleep, desperately not wanting to wake the sleepers. Try as you might to tiptoe around in the dark, your cognitive skills are lagging to locate the one empty bed and climb the ladder rungs (as it's only ever the top bunk left, right). At least I was able to fall straight under the doona for a siesta as I arrived in my 'jamas. 

Shuteye is out of the question in a hot, stuffy room when only one of the ceiling fans is circulating the A/C and your roomies rise from their pits stomping around. An hour or so of rest and a cool shower would have to suffice before I officially began my first full day in a city, that hugs you with hope and happiness. 

Half the fun of being somewhere you've never been before is exploring and seeing what it has to offer. I didn't think it wise to go full throttle from the outset so a gentle stroll to get my bearings was my preference. Considering how greatly I LOVE Melbourne now it is strange to remember that I wasn't very taken with it at all on wandering around. My original, dazed and overwhelming impressions were of the startling hustle and bustle, incessant traffic and trams and feeling so out of place. I was a fish out of water. 

Batman Park (b to the w - I LOVE that Melbourne's former name was Batmania but not in connection with the comic or films) accommodated a flock of seagulls so fierce I was perturbed they'd attack me with poo pellets! Then there are the yoga doers who are so fit and glam, some even working out with their dogs. Should I be at all concerned that they enter into this willingly for FUN???

The Melburnians are not exaggerating when they claim that the weather really can change drastically over the course of the day. I experienced hot, windy, sunny, cool - all within minutes. 

Not even 24 hours of touching down (under) and I've already been cracked on to by a 7/11 employee selling me my MYKI card. The smoothie complimented that my eyes are unbelievable and while I was flattered that he offered to show me around, I wasn't wanting to get into the romantic spirit with him. 

Met a girl from Canada back at the hostel and we blindly hopped on a tram to get to South Melbourne beach. It wasn't til we were practically half way there that I realised we were heading in the wrong direction and needed to switch trams. Hahaha my sense of direction is rusty at the best of times let alone when I'm in a foreign country and severely tuckered out!! 

Paddling in the Pacific Ocean was not the warm temperature I'd anticipated, nor was it clean or anything all that special as far as Australian beaches go. Knowing that there are sharks among us in the sea, meant that I got out of their sharpish but none tore me apart limb by limb - RESULT. 

Narrowly missed my eye being gouged out by a fishermen who'd flung back his line overhead. To duck that with a cloudy, dazed brain took some doing let me tell ya! Day 3 ended with fish n' chips, a cheese and wine night at my hostel (neither of which I can have so I nibbled a cracker like a mouse) and chatting with all the chicas in my dorm room when my body was demanding sleep. It's been like 3 days in one - how did I stay up for so many hours??????

(Day 4) You know it's going to be a good day when it starts off with a giant raspberry muffin brekkie. Yumminess! Forgetting that it actually began with us all suffering the effects of IRS (INCONSIDERATE room mate syndrome) - a girl in our room who is apparently a moron, would get up at 4am to presumably shower for an hour, leaving on her beside light the entire time!! EVERY...... DAMN....... DAY.......... No, we did not get up to turn it off because that requires too much effort on our part. 

The sun was blazing down POW, POW, POW inflaming my face; so I sought out shade at ACMI (free Moving Image galleries at Federation Square). I had fun roving round the film and TV exhibits until I got to the Yang Fudong: Filmscapes! Part of which transmitted distressing scenes of a dog biting/mauling at skulls of corpses. 

Melbourne Cricket Ground isn't too far away from Fed Sq (the tourist map made it appear within spitting distance) but it seemed so much further walking in the heat. Touring the MCG didn't quite make me a cricket girl but I was impressed all the same. We had a sweet, old fella for our volunteer guide who knew all the ins and outs so despite it not being the most exciting it was good to have someone truly passionate about the sport. Best of British all 240,000 plus of you on the membership waiting list! Crazy that it'll take 40 years for most of you to get in the elite club. 

Lunched in the Greek Precinct (Stalacites) where the waitress mistakenly gave what was supposed to be *my* chicken souvlaki to the next table. All she offered me in the way of consolation for having to wait close to an hour, were her apologies. I didn't mind so much really as it gave my sweaty ickiness the chance to cool down. 

A lot of people figure me for a cowardly chicken and they'd be RIGHT as I only spent 25 minutes in the Old Melbourne Gaol. I missed the arrest re-enacting in what is reputed to be the most haunted building in Australia and it's just as well as I was so very creeped out as it was. This is where the infamous crim Ned Kelly was imprisoned and then executed, along with over 130 other heinous jailors. Sadly after several were hung in the gallows they were later proven to be innocent of their crime(s). I was double freaked out to be one of the only ones spooking themselves STUPID inside the dark, dingy cells as I imagined hearing their tortured souls dying after they'd met their dreadful fate. 

Hosier Lane - where graffiti artists are magicians with a spray can. 

MISHAP MOMENT: Getting a teeny bit wounded when my arm got trapped in the hostel vending machine, when reaching in to collect my bottle of water. So very Rianne! 

HAHA OF THE DAY: Olivia sticking our itty bitty Frenchie, Cristel in Jenny's 50/60 litre backpack. I had no idea it would be so adorable but only funny in an you-had-to-be-there way! 

#WINNING - I'm not very cute when I'm competitive and that's totes what went down at United's Tacos and Trivia Tuesday!!! I didn't give 2 figs about the prizes I just got consumed with wanting to win. And win, we DID. BOTH ROUNDS. Problem was we couldn't very well split a $100 Wildlife Tours voucher so it went to waste. *Pats self on back for only phone cheating on one question. Because who remembers how many sides a rhombus has anyway?* 

How did I celebrate? With a long, choco nutty churro, happy burps and going to bed by 11pm!!! Hardcore holidaying :D