1) 4 years after your plans to follow in your disappointment of a father's footsteps don't turn out as you hope, you'll be sat on a bus next to someone who smells like cheese. What sort of hell has life brought you to??
2) Turns out being lovable, pretty and wise is not enough. The man you love will dump you, if you like talking about surgery more than discussing his day.
3) Patients are people to help - not puzzles to solve. This is going to revolutionise the Doctor bedside manner that everyone is so obsessed with.
4) Not getting the job you have your heart set on is a sign that you're destined to be a hand model instead, according to the Mama. This is actually your crossroads moment to find a new route.
5) Lugging all your luggage 3 miles in your cute, adorable little heels would be STUPID.
6) Prior to accepting a ride from an attractive attorney, ensure he's not an ax murderer if you have a strong policy against being chopped up into a million pieces!!
7) Clearly the man who has been sending you postcards since your Graduation is an avocado short of a Cobb salad.
8) You are nutballs if you're expecting sous vide grouper with a mint julep in the Gulf. They've got Catfish and it's fried. You could not be less excited about that..
9) There is some news you just shouldn't tell an Alabaman while he's hunting and has his rifle locked and loaded.
10) Mock elite young ladies all you want no holds barred, only not out loud as they're meaner than they look. The Sopranos have got nothing on them.
11) If your career hasn't already been killed by your mother, then it certainly won't be by some Southern xenophobe dressed up like a stick of butter!
2) Turns out being lovable, pretty and wise is not enough. The man you love will dump you, if you like talking about surgery more than discussing his day.
3) Patients are people to help - not puzzles to solve. This is going to revolutionise the Doctor bedside manner that everyone is so obsessed with.
4) Not getting the job you have your heart set on is a sign that you're destined to be a hand model instead, according to the Mama. This is actually your crossroads moment to find a new route.
5) Lugging all your luggage 3 miles in your cute, adorable little heels would be STUPID.
7) Clearly the man who has been sending you postcards since your Graduation is an avocado short of a Cobb salad.
8) You are nutballs if you're expecting sous vide grouper with a mint julep in the Gulf. They've got Catfish and it's fried. You could not be less excited about that..
9) There is some news you just shouldn't tell an Alabaman while he's hunting and has his rifle locked and loaded.
10) Mock elite young ladies all you want no holds barred, only not out loud as they're meaner than they look. The Sopranos have got nothing on them.
12) You will put on half a ton when boyfriend dumps you - that's all the permission we need to pile on the pounds via self-pity scoffing.
13) That thing about potato chips - how you can't just eat one. Yeah *that!!* Who caresssss? We live but once.
14) If your new digs is not your loft in Soho simply order some stuff from Barneys online to make the place more homey. New is always better.
15) You can deny that your hottie with a body, neighbour's smile might make all the girls at the church social swoon but it won't work on you.. ALL you like. Later on that same night, you will you be blitzed out and making out with the electricity stealing buffoon in his car. In the hottest possible way.
17) Small towns have their perks, when the nightly jog of a handsome face is interrupted to climb into mud and save our well-toned ass. We say thank you.
18) You should be able to tell a legally blind man when he's in front of your face before he runs over and maims the town golden boy.
19) Morphine is the easy part of a dislocated shoulder.
20) SATC DVD's teach us that New York has everything. Why would anyone ever leave?
22) You've sunk to your lowest point when you get drunk as a boiled owl from wine in a box, you're alone in the woods and have got the guy you kinda liked, who turns out is engaged - run over!!
23) Although you're tired and in pain you need to be stronger than you've ever been in your entire life for the final push of labour. All of which will be worth it, when you meet the beautiful, perfect person you've made.
24) The most popular parental lies are choices they've made using deceitful means, apparently for the child's 'protection', but really it's just to hide their seedy affair with an older man on a Greek cruise that resulted in your conception. It doesn't matter if you love that person, if you don't belong in their world. You can discuss it in therapy like normal people.
25) Wrestling in poison oak is ill-advised!!
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