Gilmore Girl Gems *Love and war and snow*

1) According to Taylor Doose 'There is no use for a lava lamp unless you're on drugs.' They may be a poor man's volcano but aren't they fun to look at? MEH to you Taylor, happiness hijacker! 

2) Likewise it is mirthful to eyeball (with snacks, naturally!!) a man: turn red, shift in his seat, and adjust the cap, before the urge he's fighting wins. There's no derailing that rage train and you can bet  '5 bucks says somebody ends up in a headlock.' 

3) We want the Lorelai feel-good-and-tingly (Spiderman styley) snow-smelling sense 'Everything's magical when it snows, everything looks pretty. The clothes are great. Coats, scarves, gloves, hats.. thermal underwear, wool socks, ear flaps.' Don't you yearn to have a snowy winter, where all the best things in your life happen?  

4) Relisten to the phone message from the 'grammatically correct' paramour who hopes to spend time with beautiful you, over and over 'til it stops being sexy'. Which is never. How could linguistic acrobatics ever not be hot?

5) Holy freakin' whaaaaaaat? 'Not everyone finds the idea of being pelted with frozen water appealing.' 'And how sad for them!' And what nincompoops these peepsicles are that loathe this thrilling sensation!! 

6) It's always a plus when you just meet your not-gangly-anymore soul mate who has this amazing, perfect hair 'thick but not too thick, and its got really good natural wave, so he probably uses way less product than most guys.' Could be completely awkward if he's never even looked at you like you're a girl 'or something resembling one!' Well not to worry, there'll be 68 men on tinder who who'd gladly swipe you ;) 

7) It's SERIOUS when you're 'bringing baked goods to a boy'. Romantically woo him with rocky road cookies, despite your hatred for the confection.*sing song tease* 'Cookies for the love and the Dean and the cookies for the love.'

8) The magic of the (mc)flurry: 'The world changes when it snows. It gets quiet, everything softens.' The 'first snowfall of season' is 'very lucky, make a wish.' 'The snow was not there for me personally. But still, when it snows, something inside me says "hey, that's your present." 'Snow is like catnip' for some personages. 

9) Mouth McGees muse that traditions are traps. 'It allows people to stick their head in the sand. Everything in the past was so quaint, so charming. Times were simpler. Kids didn't have sex. Neighbors knew each other. It's a freaking fairy tale. Things sucked then, too. It just sucked without indoor plumbing.' These views explain sooooooo much behind their pessimism towards the planet. 

10) 'Why would a sane person' engage in some light perfect hair strokery of the boy they really like, without his permission? As a pubescent, periodically our hands have a life of their own, with 'a little help from hormones.' 

11) 'Great's an understatement' when fate has it, that the teach's car (who has been asking you out) has decided to stop, coincidentally leaving him stranded in the strange town, you happen to live in. As 'the one who did the canceling after you did the asking, therefore you forfeit your taking rights to me, the canceler' in this predicament, it enables the two of you to date up a storm in the snowstorm. 

12) Frozen pizza may be 'food you eat at a carnival or in a Turkish prison' in the minds of those who don't even know where their own cookie sheet is, but we promise you're gonna love it. Set these quibblers on the path to righteousness! For pizza pizzazz - add some extra Parmesan it makes all the difference and 'if you wanna get really crazy, you can pick it up' with your own bare hands. Wonder of wonders!!

13) 'What good is it to have a best friend when she's never around and she never listens and she has no interest in the fact that you're in love?'  Apoligising is in vain - 'don't be sorry, be here.' You may have a new relationship and are now living life slanted in favour of your bloke but don't cast aside your bff when they really really need someone to talk to. 

14) 'It's very important' that your datee knows your 'faults as well as your many attributes.' So as you begin your delightful journey of date-dom, thoughtfully expose how very annoying you are in movies and the like. Next lean in for a very lovely kiss so they suddenly find themselves thinking 'this woman is absolutely perfect.' Works like a charm. A CHARM, I tell thee. 

15) Flicking through old photo albums allows us to remember nice nostalgia of our beautiful little princesses, a vision of pure class in their fluffy white dresses with 12 petticoats no less (because 13 would have been TOO excessive!!).. BUT they also bring up the bad memories alongside. 

16) Can we get a cheers for the cute curmudgeon who is being so amazing to the re-enactors in the freezing cold? By 

bringing out hot beverages, de

spite their forefathers not having any many moons ago - on that long, historic night of standing. 

17) It comes as a big shocker when you spot a couple, walking hand in hand, all adorably snuggled up in the snow and kissing in the magic way that she gets excited about. You know it should be you, instead of that no good gorgeous man as you're left to watch on sadly. 

18) When the daughter's away, the single mama will play ;) Think this thing out of inviting a good looking piece of man meat into your home, when you've established strict dating rules. To keep a personal life totally separate from your child (who comes first) so as not to unsettle her, when you've been enjoying the hell out of yourself is muy difficile. 

19) 'At some point in your life, you're gonna have to decide that some guy is worth opening the front door for.' If you have a sweet guy on your door step volunteering to be the one and not expecting anything weird or funny, what in the bluest of blue hells is holding you back, woman????? 

20) Verify that the house truly is free of kiddies before making out like teenagers and touching each other up. So as to not be caught in the act, red-faced while you're kissing it all up in there! It's a freaky thing for a youngster to witness grown ups about to get their freak on. 

21) A parental perspective for when you've been extra girl-weird: 'You have so many years of screw-ups ahead of you, view this as a trial run for really grown up humiliation. Everybody does stupid things in high school it's like a requirement.' We all screw up, 'it's what you do with them and how you handle the experience - that's what you should judge yourself by.' 

22) After a 'really bad teen day' of behaviour that is kinda unusual for you, 'crash someplace sympathetic.' Mother figures cannot kick cute little butts out of their home when said sweet sixteen has had 'a major Judy Blume moment.'  

23) Nobody should have to be greeted by the startling sight of their English teacher asleep on their couch after staying the night. Discovering this dude is a huge turn of events that weirds you out, regardless of being informed that nothing happened. Non-strangely, our primary concern is not that he may have 'smushed the couch pillows out of shape'!

24) Granted your Mom may well be smokin' hot and have had a world series level date, but if you know she's not a cat person she 'truly will be alone if she doesn't find someone.' We'd love for our mothers to be happy and for them to be sure it's 'the guy' before that someone is brought home. 

25) Be better to your best friend, (that girl needs a Valium) who totally fits in your life (and we're 'talking Legos') as they came first. Your new boyfriend will have to love it. The bestie gets '24 hours a day at your disposal' dibs. 

Gilmore Girls Gems *Kiss and tell*

1) Doing laundry is so hatesome that when we run out of clean undies, 'it's kinda nice and actually breezy' to wear 'NOT underwear'. Luke's tiptop tip:'don't sit on any cold benches.' For the sake of your dignity and nether regions, stop putting off throwing a load in the washing machine. 

2) Decorating your smack-dab-in-the-middle-of-everything store for the Autumn festival may go totally against your nature, but 'how's it gonna hurt to have a paper turkey?' If the mob mentality can't convince him to stick up a few streamers, or squash or pumpkins or anything coloured orange, to get in the 'spirit of fall' - nothing will.

3) After the new kid (working in the market) tricks you into having his way with you in aisle 3 by the pest spray ('that's a good aisle!)  by making you guess which hand the 'pop' is in, politely say 'thank you'. It is perfectly, perfectly fine to then run out thereby shoplifting the cornstarch, you were feigning interest in; as is standard for a back bender of a perfect first kiss.

4) Instinctively, you'll be reluctant to inform your mother of aforementioned stolen kiss  (and cornstarch!) when 'the last time the subject of boys came up it got very ugly.' No frickin' kidding she shan't be chuffed to learn it is the very same cad you were wanting to quit your fancy new school for. 

5) Failing to connect to a stupid customer service repair person, competent of diagnosing the high pitched noise coming from your stupid fridge, renders us 'crabby and (completely) useless' life haters! Why oh why oh WHY is it that the grease monkeys can never give us a specific time to come and look? 'Monday between 3 and 8' is not great and we will get irate. 

6) Our Mums hearts will be sad not to hear the news from the same lips you kissed the 'cute, cool, sexy' boy with, but by your best friend's mother at the antique store. Keeping guys things secret from the very person you tell everything will torment her thoughts 'Why didn't she tell me?' 

7) Rankled females rightfully reserve the liberty to find the names of our prospective Prince Charming's exes repugnant. 'I hate the name Beth; it's so... BETH..'

8) 'Food without ambiance isn't really food, is it?' You're probabababably not the first diner dweller to tell a party pooper that the eatery is 'much too depressing for tea' without festive decorations either. 

9) Thou shalt not kill the smug-lemons-mean-nothing-to-him-bag boy we're spying on, on double coupon day, no matter how much we want to throw him down, mess his face up and kick his ass! 'That lothario over there wormed his way into my daughter's heart and mouth and for that he must die!' 

10) Children grow up and get boyfriends/girlfriends and there's nothing anyone can do. 'Okay, Mr Reality, break into somebody else's house.' So eventually you'll just have to become 'okay with an ish' about it, whether or not you disapprove. You should brace yourself for the uncomfortable weirdness that comes with this uncharted teen territory. 

11) Mothers would rather eat glass than hear about their daughter's supermarket sluttery but 'you didn't think you'd be able to keep it a secret' did you? They won't love the way they found out about your making out and will be completely weirded out. Yet profess to have 'never been finer' upon the  awful awakening that these things 'are bound to happen occasionally.' 

12) 'Are you crazy? You can't watch Willy Wonka without massive amounts of junk food it's not right, I won't allow it.' Mandatory mammoth munchies to 'slowly rot your insides' include: marshmallows, jellybeans, chocolate kisses, cookie dough, peanut butter, red vines AND pizza. Failing that, is an affront to the very essence of Gene Wilder's character. 

13) 'You got to love a guy with great eyes' 'and a nice smile' AND a yum bum :D But if the man you land, doth not possess these ideals - remind yourself 'they're all lovely with the lights off!' Hahahahaaaaaa :P 

14) 'In what universe' would your daughter be happy that you humiliatingly invited the boy that she likes to your house to watch a movie with them? 'This isn't Amish county. Girls and boys usually date alone.' Nobody wants their numero uno hanging out session to be accompanied by their mother, as a prelude to a first date. 

15) As females we frequently experience chronic 'fashion brain freeze', for we are 'supposed to look girly and pretty, which is completely impossible because I'm gross and I have nothing to wear.' We empty everything in our wardrobe, try it all on multiple times (sometimes altering an accessory or two), decide we dislike all the clothes we own and look ghastly in them. Then usually settle for the first outfit we selected.  The fabrics we wear are immaterial, if you are about to spend the evening with a guy who just likes you for YOU, not for the apparel on your back. As a bitty bonus, maybe it'll help you chuck out some of the ugly pieces of crap in your closet!

16) 'This whole guy thing' takes some getting used to in order to 'have a comeback for everything', to 'make him laugh' and 'smile right.' For a girl feeling she could hurl, give the hair twirl a whirl. It can be taught when it looks like you've got yourself a teenager crush situation. 

17) 'Sweetheart the whole town is watching you' with a beloved girl, 'in a very small, weird place.'  'You hurt her, there's not a safe place within 100 miles for you to hide.' 'Curfew will be enforced', she's not going on your motorcycle and is not to be detracted from her school work. Parents 'reserve the right to change, alter, tweak or add to this list of rules at any given time without any written notice.' Buckle up, peaches!! 

18) Anecdotes that adorably embarrass your bambino (like how they spent hours trying to cheer up a weeping willow tree) are supposed to be off limits. Baby bum snapshots must be concealed when cute guys wishing to be a lot more than your kid's friend, is over also. 

19) Always ask for extra sauce with a pizza. Just because Sookie St James says! :D 

20) 'Most girls don't eat - I'm all for it.' Should your womanly wiles and CUTEous maximus, fail to impress: astonish the man with your elephantine eating habits. 

21) Having a thing for a cartoon, like Prince Charming in Sleeping Beauty (not Cinderella) 'cause he can dance' is to be mocked. Luckily, animated characters cannot impregnate adolescents. 

22)'What are you waiting for?' if you haven't seen the movie 'The Way we were' - 'heartache, laughter, communism - all in one neat package.' You'll have to experience it sometime. From what I hear, it's one to watch with your gal pals. 

23) What kind of 'chaperone' leaves their baby alone and freaking out, to sit in the kitchen, 'trying to find the best bathing suit for their bust size'? One, trying to be a girlfriend to their daughter. Switch gears and get back in there!!!!

24) None of us want to say or do anything 'remotely moronic' around the perfect one who 'smells really good and looks amazing'. The trouble with love is 'I'm afraid once your heart is involved it all comes out in moron.' The good news is if they're impervious to even your most moronic moves, you've found a non-jerk!

25) The chap who has charmed your little cherub, could be close to winning you over with a reassuring speech. 'You can lay on all the rules you want and you can have the whole town spy on me and stare at me and chase me through the streets. But I'm not going anywhere.' They need for parent(s) not to hate them or they 'don't have a shot in hell with..' a daughter.