There's NOTHING happy about it here ...

Day 13 - 

My painfully sore throat ailment is a holiday spoiler and I despise it :( Hence, I morosely stayed in bed for my longest Aussie lie in yet of 9.30am and held a pity party for one :( :( :( Cristelle's promise to me of a farewell crepe brunch was all that was able to coax me out of my pit to stock up on flour and Nutella from Cole's. 

The poor girl slaved over a hot stove for over an hour as the pan was cruddy and not functioning as it should. I was in the way in my helpless condition so left her to the cooking. Our banquet was served up; setting off a primal explosion of ravenous hunger in me, Cris, Olivia and Jenny. My chomping emissions intensified the more I shovelled down my throat and the more my blue eyes were glowing with the greed of the hungriest hippo. 

I'm not slim or gorgeous enough to live here on a permanent basis. A statement that attests itself with the multitude of model type women, strutting the streets like it's their own personal catwalk. They must be offended by the muffin-topping transfiguration of my belly! Any remnants of self-esteem shatter whenever I come into contact with these undeniably perfect, princess Barbie's. I do try to laugh it off with a feeble joke at my own expense but deep down it hurts more than I usually let on..... 

AN I-AM-A-SIGNIFICANT-SIZE-OF-STUPID SITUATION: On retrieving my luggage I got STUCK alone in the hostel lift, trembling with terror. The doors denied my exit, lights flickered out and the space in which I found myself trapped, descended into total darkness. In my panic, I pressed every button in vain and banged on the door until a girl overheard me freaking and released me from a claustrophobic portal of hell. As with lots of nightmarish ordeals they often seem much longer than the 5 minutes (in this instance) or so it most likely was, from start to finish. 

Trammed to Fitzroy Gardens to have a mini mooch around at Cook's Cottage. Teeny weeny though it was, I felt compelled to hand over $6 as it is the oldest building in Oz. It was constructed in 1755 by Captain James Cook's parents in Yorkshire. Impressively, in what seems greater than impossible, the home was dismantled brick by brick and transported over the ocean in 1934 for reassembly.  

The model Tudor village and fairy tree here weren't especially special but it killed two shakes of a rabbit's tail. On to a sweep of a supermarket to pick up a box of cracked pepper crackers which I've gotten crazy CRACKERS for. Cris was kind enough to help me get to the coach station and lug my suitcase there, before sadly exchanging our 'see ya laters' :( 

The Firefly Express was not an 11 hour journey I'd care to relive; I knew it was not going to be a fun, safe or easy ride the instant I embarked. Our deranged maniac of  a driver was a demon speeder and GPS kept warning that he was above the speed limit. I had a mind to report him for this and for his crass, inappropriate vulgarities veiled as humour about wee wee, testicles and 'no poo in the loo!' What's more he barked at passengers to throw away hot food even before they ate a bite and misheard me rummaging through cosmetics in my bag as a beer bottle clinking - so harked up aggressively. The little snot was so horridly strict I was terrified to even breathe or dare crunch a cracker TOO loudly for his liking. 

At least I was able to sleep somewhat despite my grossly (metaphorically) poopy sickness raging on murderously :( We reached Sydney safely but miserably .. I didn't like New South Wales one bit on first impressions and wanted nothing more than to turn round immediately and return to Victoria. Melbourne gave me the key to its heart but Sydney showered mockery and scorn upon me.  

Day 14 - 

In the early hours of the dawn, I felt so SO soooo rough and dreadful :( The coach air con seemingly made matters worse and Sydney laughs at my predicament by peeing down with rain when I set foot out of the contemptible coach. Does it enjoy my pain? Even swallowing my own biley saliva was AGONY *cue Into the Woods song from the soundtrack* 

We were all dumped at 6am in Pitt Street where it was sombre and still dark; with a street map thrust into our hands. Unfamiliar with my horrifying surroundings, I followed a couple to get a train from the closest station to Kings Cross. Wishing, I'd simply hailed a taxi directly to the taxi instead of saving a couple of dollars as the sickness nightmare persevered. 

Wandering around aimlessly in a circle, dazed, confused and a blubbering mess with no sign of my lodgings is my most hated moment in Australia. I was directed up 5 flights of street stairs by a pedestrian. I SEETHED after several burly, inhuman blokes passed me by but did NOT do The Good Samaritan thing by offering any assistance. (THIS WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED IN MELBOURNE!!) It was obvious to anyone that I was struggling with a heavy suitcase as I kept pausing to have a cry in the rain, cursing Sydney which then turned into hatred of a fiery passion. Furthermore, I could forcibly FEEL it hating me right back. What an unfriendly, compassion-less city, for me to come to loathe it within seconds of our 'meeting'. 

I could spot the Harbour Bridge and Opera House in the gloomily, grey distance but not even catching a glimpse of these symbols of Sydney could buoy my spirits. I was moody, exhausted and ILL so couldn't even muster up an 'ooh' or 'aah' for these globally recognised emblems. This truly was not the loveliest start to my time here. It occurred to me that the day was Friday 13th, a superstitious reasoning for why everything was that poxy. 

My soul darkened further as I took a deep disliking to the hostel. It would have been fine and not a big deal, had I not just left the best for *this*. Cobwebs draped the cracked ceilings and the unisex showers were dank and manky. In these, I expelled luminous, yellow acidity while washing, after failing to rest on the top bunk.*THIS IS NOT A FOND MEMORY EITHER* I truly didn't feel like leaving the hostel for any exploration but forced myself, so I wouldn't waste an entire day when I was only in the harbour city for 8 in total. 

Throughout my traversing, I continued to feel increasingly terrible and truly couldn't endure it longer than 5 hours. Also this combined with finding Sydney harder to navigate my way around (as it is much bigger than Melbourne. I miss it :(so very much!!!) was really starting to pee me off. Closing my eyes and thinking of something nice didn't even work. 

Finally I found Sydney's Hyde Park (not to be confused with London's) and the ANZAC memorial. Remembering all those soldiers who fought so courageously for their country, filled me with reverence and gratitude. There I'd been resenting my ailments and yet that could never compare to the pain and grief they and their families must have gone through. Commemorating in silence is the only offering they ask for and how can we deny them? 

I happened upon a nice cafe (Cherry Beans) and tried to cheer myself up with a frothy, sweet mug of Belgian hot choccie divine delectability. In those minutes, as I eagerly guzzled down every last drop; I was SERENE. If there was ever a hot beverage that I wanted to KISS -this would have been the one! A short walkabout, Darling Harbour to get my bearings in weather so grim when I was already in the Ebenezer Scroogiest of temperaments, only exasperated my depression. I just wanted to be tucked up in bed with lots and lots of cake :( 

Finding my way back to the hostel was more of a mission than it ought to have been, due to unintentionally taking a deviating route back. As evening drew closer, my sneezy and sniffly yuckoness persisted but the throat was soothed; thanks to the blessful orange strepsils, I'd purchased from a pharmacy at a despicable price. 

Don't you worry, events pick up for the weirdo :D This entry was just one small, dark part of a pretty GREAT trip. I knew I would come to like it slightly .. in time but Sydney could neverrrrr make me fall in love the way Melbourne had. 

The path of paradise

DAY 12

Being the MELON head that I am, I very nearly did not take the plunge and book onto a Great Ocean Road day tour. You don't need to be feeling especially adventurous to take the holy grail of road trips but GOLLY GUMDROPS it is absolutely not one to be missed. Not to take up on the opportunity to explore one of the world's most scenic coastlines would be monumentally stupid. The only question to ask yourself is: WHEN?? Get off your rump roast and go, go, GO. 

Surprisingly (to ME who is on red alert to dangers at all times) I DID feel safe on the twisty, turny roadways with our tour guide Rod; just as everyone assured me I would do.   A few big bumps and jolts made a handful of the younger, female passengers scream and flinch - haaaaaaa!! Poor pets! The course is predominantly well barricaded and you can have my word that the tour bus drivers are ultra vigilant and know the route inside out. 

Since I wasn't feeling too bright eyed after the early wake up call, a biccie brekky at Anglesea River (our first port of call) was just the ticket! I took a walk along the river and was beguiled (in the good sense of the word) inhaling in the fragrant morning that had broken. The one disappointment to the day was my pitiful cup of the Milo malt hot drink. It was MINGING because it is meant to be made with milk not the boiling water my tour guide filled the mug with!

Throughout the day there was so much driving in order to cram in as many sights as physically poss. It was shattering for the passengers, let alone Rod. Bless the oldies who snored whenever we were back with our bums on seats; they missed SOOOOO many spectacular views. Either they found the guide's narrative as dull as a butter knife or they were that worn out from being up with the lark or kookaburras in our case.

Made mates with Rina from Indonesia, Kieran from Ireland (with the molten chocolatey eyes) and Maddy from Germany. Anglesea beach was a quick stop and a beautiful one at that, as are they all. Nevertheless, it was shockingly deserted perhaps due to people departing to work or since it is technically now Autumn in Australia.

At Kennett River, I had some fun interactions with KRAZAYYYYY King Parrots and rosellas while I fattened them with bird seed. These blighters scratched up my arm so sorely that it caused me to yelp! A couple fought and then made up pecking their beaky lips, right on my arm. It got to the point, that I needed to leave the love birdies to find a room but of course they were clinging on to me for dear life. No matter how they fight with their birdy buds or lacerate your flesh; you instantly fall in love with these mimickers. I took the one who liked me best for a walkie to meet a koala chum; the single solitary one I saw in the wild. It was pretty precious!

I got to know my outing companions over a non-exciting but good meal of roast chicken, chips and salad in Apollo Bay. A sign at the toilet blocks greatly amused me as it specified NOT to wash your feet in the toilets! The word tripping me up there is 'in' cos WHO WOULD DO THAT????? Apart from drunk idiots? The queue here was so long that a couple of us nearly missed getting back on the bus at the designated time. 

Took a short jaunt around Mait's rest rain forest walk at Otway's which was fine but would have been less fine if we'd stumbled upon snakes or spiders. There were also NO signs of this region's famed black snails (which are only found in this part of the world) much to my dismay; I wanted to see something so gross that we'd have all been flabberghasted. This was a breeze after my 1000 steps the other day; speaking of breeze the sensation of the wind against my skin is revitalising. Hearing the chirpings of crickets and jungle noises emanating from the bush remind me how far from home I am but is also therapeutic. 

I didn't think the 12 Apostles could possibly live up to all the rave reviews but they SURPASSED them all - it is ASTOUNDING. Even though there was only ever 9 of these limestone stacks and just 8 remain now due to waves causing their collapse. We've all seen photographs of Port Campbell's masterpiece of the universe but none can do them true justice. When you're stood right before these rock formations, you do all you can for your jaw not to drop. Yes, expect hoardes of people buzzing around these natural wonders for selfies but nothing can disrupt its unspoilt beauty. This little piece of heaven right on earth really is the perfect combination of erosion and scenic beauty.

On to the BONKERS beautiful Loch Ard Gorge and London Arch (formerly London Bridge until it partially crashed down and two tourists had to be rescued by helicopter) are both equally resplendent. These natural wonders are phenomenal and arguably the real highlight of the Great Ocean Road. Although these attractions are all off the beaten path, they are all very touristy but so fantastical you don't mind. The gorge is named after a ship which wrecked leaving just 2 teenage survivors out of the 54 passengers. Tom Pearce heroically saved Eva McCarmichael from uncertain death; he was 15 years old. So sayeth the very romantically tragic tale that Tom fell for Eva but his feelings weren't reciprocated :( He returned to England and was buried in my hometown at the age of 49. I feel a movie is needed of their story; we'd all cry more than anyone did at Toy Story 3. 

The final break was a pit stop off at a noodle place for food before making our way back to Smelly Melly :P Seriously, I don't know where Rod took us but they boxed up the most amazing chicken teriyaki noodles I've everrrrrr eaten. Returning to the city via the inward route meant that I could nod off as Rod assured there wasn't much to look at as the oceanic views were no more. Our whistle top excursion was jam-packed with boundlessly pretty scenic points of interest. If you are in that neck of the woods and DON'T venture upon the Great Ocean Road (aka the highway to happiness) I'm gon' be FURIOUS!!!!!!!

Fortunately, we had no delays as all daytrippers stuck to the schedule rigidly which meant I was back at the hostel by 8.30pm. I hotfooted down to the bar to see Alan Fletcher's (from Neighbours) group The Waiting Room. Their set ROCKED my socks off!!! The Prince Charming of Erinsborough and his band mates did acoustically cool covers of angels, wonder wall and a medley ending with Hey Jude. My fave was a comical version of Living next door to Alice but all about Karl's soap marriage with Susan. 'What a beautiful life with Susan as my wife' detailing their marital history, complete with some colourful language. 

My mate Kyle from Bunyip Tours, who took me around the Neighbours set accompanied Alan, so we had a quick catch up. I think he's rather taken a shine to the Rianney's infectious craziness as he had not forgotten me ;)  At the end of the intimate gig, I ran right over to Sir Fletcher demanding dibs on his attention! DR KARL IS EVERYTHING; the only Doc I've ever loved <3 I wasn't about to let anyone step on my toes to get to him before me. 

Kyle kindly took my pic with Alan and I starstruck-edly gushed right in his face that he was a legend and that Jackie Woodburne was too. To which he could only agree and  promised to pass on the message to his screen wifey :) Why do I have the tendency to turn into a creepy idiot around the greatest stars? The silver fox called me 'sweet heart' too = LIFE MADE <3 I was all a fluster, as Dr K has charisma in spades for his age and made up that he signed a photo card for me with love xx 

This Rianneymoon is making me the happiest little lady on the face of this earth :) I'm truly fortunate to see the places I see. Good bye for now dear friends, family and any other earthlings who may be perusing my blog xx

Anything beautiful is worth it

Days 10 and 11 -

Easing up on the sugar is not a practicality on holibubs - this is my deduction. My Backpackers generously issued me a free coupon to exchange at a corner store for a croissant and an uuuuuugoooo hot choco (its mediocrity was not to my exquisite standards). But how can a girl grumble when she didn't have to pay 1 cent for her brek?

Natalia, Ella and I went down to watch the Moomba Parade but were ushered along for sitting in the wrong place for the procession. The significance of this festival all seems so random and without any particular meaning or symbolism. What IS it a celebration of? Cultural diversity? WEIRDNESS? Still it's fun for all the fam and I'm delighting in all the kooky dafties. 

Ungentlemanly bogans pushed in front so we had a cruddy view of the eclectic floats and dancers and we became squished in amidst the hoardes. Rather than start a school yard brawl due to their disrespect, I kept my cool and clapped on as the exuberant cavalcade passed. Admittedly, I was fretting about pickpockets in such a bustling throng, clinging on to my backpack with all my might. Please don't think badly of me, it's just a case of paranoid cautiousness that I cannot shake. 

The Queen of the festival was some Bollywood actress and the King, none other than Shane Warne, the superstar cricketer. He copped our chants of 'WARNEY!!! WARNEY!!!!' as he waved to the gatherers. We grabbed a bite to eat after the crowd dispersed, to satisfy our peckish tummy rumblings. THE CHEEK to rip into my luncheon and find that my 'gourmet' chicken and avocado sarny was avocado-less!! Don't these dogs know NEVER to come between a Rianne and her belly??

To get away from all the craziness of the festivities, I caught the train with Natalia to Upper Fern Tree Gully. The two of us headed into the Dandenong Ranges for the killer jaunt up 1000 steps on the Kokoda memorial trail. I felt very Bear Grylls as it was wild kingdomy, right in the heart of dense bush. But I was not the rock star I would lead you to believe; for on our way up I was afflicted with a red face and a sticky sheen of the unfit! I'm sorry for what I've done to you body; I will personally take it upon myself to get you back into shape if it kills me! :( 

I had to stop at least 10 times along the path (under the guise of photo taking) this really meant I was enabled to catch my breath again. Some CRAY CRAY fitness freaks with the bodies of beanpoles were running up and doing exercises suggested on sign posts at the pit stops. That's NOT my idea of absolute exhilaration; it's gotta be said. I'll let those ding dongs proceed to sprint to the top! 

Traipsing 1.5km UP took it out of me and what's worse, I could sense the intense stares of fellow ramblers feeling bad for me. If all was right in the world, they'd have fallen face-first into a muddy puddle! Forgive me for taking the time to bask in the beauty of the surroundings! The course was up so very high but the trees concealed the incredible views and the dramatic drop down. Some parts were insanely steep but as much as I complain, I didn't want an easy ride. It's not just 1000 steps in a row (as I expected) there were large step-less intervals en route which were misleading us to think we were reaching the top. WE WEREN'T. The 'ordeal' was just starting out. 

We only saw several birds and 1 miniscule spider with black and white spots in the way of wildlife, along the beaten track. It was my first brush with one in its natural habitat and it was not so terrifying really. In light of how infamous Australia is for all its deadly living things populating the continent, you'd think you'd run into MORE. There are probably *TOO* many of the 8 legged beasties; they must be scurrying away from the big, bad humans. 

It's a hiking miracle that I made it to the summit! The way back down was heaps easier and cooler in the shade, so there was no need for stopping. Though I was still sweaty, my legs turned to jelly at the end and the sun was strong again. A marshmallow and chocolate Paddle pop (why are they so SCRUMPTIOUS?) revived me as we departed. 

Back to our colourful establishment to do a spot of laundry and take a nice, soothing shower to stop being a stinky winky! The international representation of nations continues at the hostel, as we got to know our new homies (a Swedish girl, one from the Phillipines and more Germans) with some dorm bonding. It's all too wonderful to friendship people from all walks of life, that ordinarily would not cross your path :) 

A particularly gorgeous, spag bol takeaway was devoured with my Nat as I had a hankering for pasta. I had another early-ish, lazy night.. Oh me, oh my I needed a masseuse to rub my fatigued feet after all that exertion! 

Tuesday - 

Lunched with 3 kind, handsome fellas in Frankston and had a look around the shopping centre at Bayside. They greeted me warmly and were all very lovely; I had a fun time in their company, gabbing away. I was a bit intimidated at first but they all put me at ease and made me feel so welcome that then I COULDN'T stop this mouth of mine from flapping and probably came across quite cuckoo!!!! I am admittedly a nut ball and it should be illegal for me to speak half the time, so I'm hoping that I wasn't too infuriating. 

They directed me on, still smiling to Frankston beach - which is GLORIOUS. It more than rivals St Kilda in terms of beachly beauty with its turquoise, crystal waters and golden, glimmering sands. I sat feeling peace, love and vivacity all at the same time, soaking up the sun and breathing in life. 

The Friends, Foes and Superheroes beach side exhibition left me amazed at the intricate details and painstaking craftsmanship of the sand sculptures. Disney doodads light up my world as did the uncanny sand likenesses of many of the Disney greats. Had a little Frozen soundtrack sing song very LOUDLY as I lazed on one of the sun loungers :D HAHA, apologies to all who wanted me to shut up but were too polite to say so! 

It was a shame that I couldn't find the Wuxi walk (named to strengthen friendship with Frankston's sister city in China) that I'd wanted to do - meh. *Picture my grumpy face* Thereon I returned to the city and met Kelly, another Brit back at our hostel. We quickly struck up a friendship and I invited her along with me to take a walk and go to the Eureka Tower, smack in the belly of the metropolis. 

The views from the Eureka Skydeck are breathtaking; the height of 297.3 metres less good. At level 88 we set foot upon the Southern Hemisphere's highest vantage point. A fact that made me too nervous to go out on the glass for the Vertigo experience so I handed my free voucher over to Kelly. Curse my cowardly disposition!  The city is 'polluted' with prettiness and it seemed like it was all for only me :) Watching the sun set right before my eyes was so frickin' beautiful! 

Met the United crew and took part in the weekly quiz at Lost and Found again. We DOMINATE at trivia!!! On this occasion, we came a respectable third place which is the position I wanted as I had my eyes on the stupidly delicious Tim Tams!!! DELIGHTEDDDDDD. :) The team kept trying to feed me more and more; administering the word 'no' was futile until I dropped the whole packet on the floor - WHOOPSIES! Being the bold woman that I am, I shared them out with unsuspecting fools!! :D 

Bunking down early was a necessity for waking at the butt crack of dawn on the morrow. That's not nearly as lame as it sounds for I was to embark on a Great Ocean Road day tour the next day. Zzzzzzzzz

Peace out, peaches xxx