A beautiful town I'm ruining

DAY 17 AND 18- 

Good morning/afternoon/evening, bloggerites :D Another lazy, scroogy Bah humbuggy morning was had! I get the distinct impression Montreal isn't having the twinkliest impact on me. It is supposed to be this resplendent, European-style city but I'm finding most of it HOGWASH!  What I loathe about it being cold is how it refuses to snow. Ou est la neige? Wearing a dress with thin tights when it's -1 degree outside was a big mistake and yet, I hopped off like an intrepid bunny, in search of new adventures. 

MY LIBATION SPOKE TO ME LIKE POETRY - At Muru Crepe, I was presented with a noisette chocolat chaud which should've been served up with a 'ta da!' and a flourish it was so pretty! I'm going to be 50 kinds of overweight when I get home to Angleterre (as ze Francophones parlez).. I am incorrigible when it comes to hot choc but only as I am deeply and fully in love with this liquid. 

Rue St Paul, would be just darling were it not for all the construction! I swear down the air smells like maple syrup when there's a gentle breeze. *Sigh* There's no romance in being a loner -- as I wander Montreal's oldest street, seeing couples hand in hand. It must be wonderful to be in love! I am just an insignificant passing ship, soon to set sail again. 

Promenading further along The Old Past, I happened upon a Tricerotops!! This walk stretched over 2kms along the St Lawrence River where French fur trading stationed a post back in 1611. I neither chilled nor relaxed 'pon the floating boat of Bota Bota spa though it offers a whole multitude of pampering. Steam rising from the pool and robed guests luxuriating looked extremely inviting in this uniquely placed health club for relaxation. 

I DIDN'T IMAGINE MYSELF TO BE THE TUNNEL TYPE - How wrong of me to think that The Underground City would be as boring as whale waste! RESO is an indoor, down town set of interconnected complexes via heated tunnels which connects to shops, apartments, hotels, offices and the like. It's a maze of over 32km with over 120 exterior access points. In winter 500,000 or so people may use it every day to remain warm and dry. Leaving the warmth to return outside to the crazy wasn't a prospect I relished. 

Not a single eatery was open inside The World Trade Centre of Montreal at the weekend. That's not encouraging for a ravenous Rianne! Darn the French Canadians and their sustenance shortcomings! Instead of screaming with frustration, I took time to reflect at the Fountain of Amphitrite, beside the black granite reflecting pool. It looked very mythological and I bet the sea goddess and her husband, Poseidon had quite the dramas! 

The architects and the interior designers of The Palais de Congres didn't hold off on the frivolous furnishings and fixings with the spectrum of hues. More friendly folk came to indulge a pitiful idiot in photo taking - me with the rainbow fenetres.  

IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO DESSERT, YOU MAY AS WELL REALLY DO DESSERT - I take this opportunity to gloat of my 2nd visit to Cacoa 70 while in Canada! Succumbing to gluttony with the colossal 'A thing for chocolate' was sweeties on steroids. My mini bitter hot choc, vanilla ice cream with chocolate shell, choccie wafers, brownie bites, whipped cream, chocolate dipping sauce and 2x slices of chocolate and toasted marshmallow pizza were despicably torturous in the most heavenly way. If I'm making it sounds like a heaven where unicorns with rainbow manes canter gaily with free abandon.. that's cos it is that *exactly*.. well they're hung on the wall anyway. 

Is there anything more pathetic than a singleton being seated right at the front window devouring this amount of calories; like a chubby girl who just got dumped??!! I became that greedy guts which is SO unattractive; talk about McFatty! This place makes us fall in love but leaves you about 10lbs heavier and not wishing to eat again for a week and you are NOT sworn to secrecy. 

Olympic Park's The Biodome, is a sensory walk through labyrinth of 5 ecosystems in The Americas and is marginally overrated de mon point de vue. What's under the dome really is beautiful what with over 4500 animals, a 2600m sq tropical rainforest, the Laurentian Maple Forest, a basin of 2.5 million litres of water making up The Gulf of St Lawrence, The Labrador Coast and the landscape of Sub-Antarctic Islands. This house of life is not an ordinary, run of the mill velodrome any longer and while I didn't relish every second here; I applaud the nature it contains. 

BISOUS BISOUS POUR LES PINGOUINS xxx - Haha these flipper-footed, monochrome cutiehearts would pry fish out of their feeders cold, dead hands - they love their seafood *that* much! The instant they detect a fishy whiff, they stop their booty shaking and waddle determinedly for the catch of the day to be dropped into their bill. I only wish I'd gotten to glance at the gentle loveliness of a sloth midst my visit but it was not to be. As much as I do appreciate animals and the habitats in which they live, if I'm honest I wasn't entirely enthralled. 

You've been holding out on me, snow! Just as you start to sprinkle, you disappear before anyone can blink(le) :D It was perfectly wretched of the weather to toy with me in such a way that we could see it float through the frosty air but nay, t'would not lay. Let's just call it what is is -- an INJUSTICE! I shoulda moved on to a location where the snow is more plentiful, hmmmph!! It's not a legit Canada trip unless it ends with ice crystals!

I've long since been a groupie of the stars in the sky so naturally I just had to visit the refreshingly imaginative, Rio Tinto Alcan Planetarium. Every touch screen display was more and more informative and interesting as were the meteorite samples. It was so cool to lay down under the dome ceiling on love sacks and gaze up at the projected illusion of a 360 degree starry sky. Who doesn't want to take in a simulation of the Dark Universe? I'm more happy on this astonishing exploration into the Galaxy, superclusters and the dark matter we can't see than I would be watching a Patrick Dempsey movie.

THERE IS NOTHING PRETTIER IN THE NIGHT SKY - Than the seductive green viper's glow of light as she dances across the firmament. It's my absolute dream to see the incredible result of collisions of electrically charged particles from the sun and gases in REAL life but for now the presentation of Aurorae would have to do. The 40 minute footage from Yellowknife was breathtaking in itself so I can't imagine how mesmerised I'd be to see the spectacle before me in nature's playground. 

Initially repelled by the thought of the Insectarium, I was impressed by the collections at what is considered North America's leading museum devoted to critters. Some of the scarier looking, mutant bugs I found LOATHSOME but I was amazed by the working ants, butterflies, bees, beetles of a myriad of metallic colours and the mating grasshoppers. As offbeat and visionary as these rare insights into an insects soul are, I didn't desire to spend too long in mortal fear that the spiders may break loose from their 'cages'.  

Once I'd had enough of the grossness, I moved on to The Olympic Stadium of Montreal which held the 1976 Summer Olympics. Since its inauguration and a cost of 1.47 billion dollars, 'The Big O' (as it's nicknamed) has had more than 67 million visitors to the largest seated capacity in all of Canada. There wasn't a whole bunch to behold other than swimmers in the lanes but I was still tickled to see all the flags and scattered memorabilia. 

MOVE OVER LEANING TOWER OF PISA - The Montreal Tower is its international symbol and being the world's tallest inclined building at a 45 degree angle, compared to the measly 5 degrees of The Leaning Tower; I had to test drive the funicular to the top! I think it was here that I began falling in love a little with Quebec's Metropolis. It has a presence in the City of Saints which cannot be ignored, no matter how much some may wish they could. Through the observation decks windows, is a picture of prettiness especially on a clear day when you can see as far as 80km into the distance. 

When I returned to my quarters at Montreal Central Hostel, the nameless man I've been 'bunking' with these past few nights, who is a little bit handsome and I chatted awhile. He told me all about his home in Magdalen Island, his plans to start up a Thai ice cream business in MTL and was calling me 'Queen' and 'Superstar.' Now that I think about it, he's very easy on the eyes - VERY ;) It's true that I didn't care for Montreal at all when first we met and yes I've made out like it has been this huge burden on my holiday.. When really, it wasn't all that woeful and I'm glad I took the opportunity to give it more of a chance so that I could recognise the real beauty herein. 

I'm not partial to Montreal

DAY 15 AND 16 - 

THE MORNING THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN MY ANGRIEST EVER - Why do some guys have to be so gross? It was poopy to be the only female sharing a hostel dorm with 5 of the smelliest lads. The stinky savages have an 'interesting' definition of hygiene!! I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THAT! I was stuck in hell or whatever may be worse than that but now to talk about something more pleasant and pleasing to the pupils. 

Somehow despite my repugnant lodgings, there remained a small measurement of pep in my step as I departed, to leave no stone unturned of the City of 100 Steeples. It's all slightly too French here for me; the inhabitants may as well be speaking a leprechaun language to this English elf. 

I have a nose for chocolatey scents and so I sniffed out the bitter sweet blend of hot choc from 7 Grains bakery. This cobbled street was featured heavily in After the ball, an adaption of Cinderella I saw on Netflix. My brew was not especially special but then again, I've never met a chocolat chaud that I didn't like as my taste buds are too fickle. Most cafes and the like in the centre of town don't open until midday. Isn't that lunacy? There's a sweet you-could-fall-in-love-here quality about it so more's the shame that the residents aren't kinder to out of towners. 

WIN #1 FOR MONTREAL - Dang it, the historic quarter is cute and closeby The Vieux Port provides views of the picturesque stretch of the St Lawrence River, the Jacques Cartier bridge as well as the skyline. Clock Tower beach was not open at that time of year but even so the walk was beautiful and at least I didn't have to pay the $2 admission to lay back on artificial sand. The Tour de l'Horloge itself has 192 steps and serves as a memorial to the brave, Canadian sailors killed in World War 2. 

When purchasing a ticket for the Notre-Dame Basilica, I embarrassingly answered the french-speaking woman in SPANISH! Despite the language barrier we managed to understand one another and I was granted entry to this lavish church and a half! Flickering candles cast an otherworldly glow in a chapel that can hold 4000 worshippers. The Gothic Revival style of the cathedral is grand and a peaceful, contemplative sanctuary breathes underneath the golden starry ceiling. I kid you not: the organ contains 7000 pipes, over 2500 visitors pass through each day and Celine Dion married her late husband within its walls. Unusually, the stained glass is not an array of stories from the Bible but instead depictions of Montreal's religious history. 

Americans were found at MVP Restaurant and Bar Sportif to enjoy the Thanksgiving football. I too participated in this US tradition, rooting for Detroit while munching my cajun chicken burger with avocada salsa and lime aioli as a turkey dinner was not on the menu. Their enthusiasm for the sport was too exhausting to keep up with but I think I oohed and aahhed at seemingly appropriate intervals. 

MY NIGHT KINDA CRAPPED OUT - I was nowhere near as wowed in the Entertainment District by the Quartier Des Spectacles as I'd anticipated. Bright lights shone at night with elaborate wall projections which are artsy but totally nonsensical to a Brit. The graffiti in what used to be the illicit, red light district is 3 scoops of crazy as was the 60 something year old man, who stalked me like a lion would a gazelle. Minding my own beeswax, I was on my way to La Diperie in search of ice cream but he insisted on accompanying me, as he could see I didn't know my way! Try as I might to discourage him, he would not be shrugged off and promised me he wasn't using a pick up line; just that he didn't have anything to do that evening as he's single. Alarms sound in my brain and I was on edge, not wanting what could be a little creep near but fortunately he was true to his word and didn't try any funny business. After me making an excuse that a friend was expecting to meet me, La Diperie wasn't even open!! The quest for ice cream always gets me in trouble.. you'd think I'd avoid it at all costs. With a little luck, a kind chap directed me back after oldie had gotten the message and left me be. 

In this part of Quebec, I am losing what little mind I have left! It's NOT fun times and I am not enamoured. 

The next day there was no snow in sight so I wouldn't be happy that night, Why is winter so chronically late in this part of the world? It's CRUEL. Gripe nombre deux - Much to my dismay, I'm frowning! It's all due to this sacre bleu Francais!! Slow down when you parlez this language, sports my GCSE French is very stale. 

I LIKE IT LESS THAN A LOT - The rain, warmth, sweat and mistiness mingled together is miserable and I do realise I'm not painting a very flattering portrait of MTL. I'm sure it is supremely glorious in other seasons or when it has snowed but it's not so nice in these conditions. Wearing a koala head warmer at the 'tender' age of 30 doesn't hurt my street credibility, reet?

Sophie and I met up to take on Mount Royal but as the elements were so unpleasant a great deal of the paths were closed for the winter. Nevertheless, we followed the stragglers up the large hill/small mountain (however you perceive it) and in spite of the showers, we still shared chuckles during our ramble. You need not an internal compass to come by this mountainous expanse as it can either be seen from a distance or if you walk far enough you're bound to eventually end up there. 

The wilderness must be explored regardless of how the people are NOT liking the precipitation. En route to the Kondiaronk lookout, we passed by the man made Beaver Lake (Lac du Castor) and no there aren't any beavers in it. In a way, wandering when it's pouring is actually invigorating so I couldn't grumble too gruffly. 

#MTLMOMENTS - For loving couples, the ambiance of the plaza wasn't on point in the frightful fog. A sexy date spot - it's not, but even so the city scene below manages to take your breath away as you pause to drink in the horizon. At the Chalet do Mont-Royal, we captured several selfies of us in the red photo frame for this very purpose but oh my golly, my brolly wouldn't behave as it battled against the gusts, blowing inside out. 

As we'd worked up an appetite we crammed in 3 courses from Eggspectation. Rianne the determined, mightily endured to eat most of the veggie soup, spinach, mushroom and bacon omelette with fresh fruit, toast and potatoes, followed by vanilla ice cream. It EGGceeded my EGGspectations - I do so enjoy an egg pun although they are not what they're CRACKED up to be! :D The chasms of my intestines had indeed reached their capacity. 

Returned to my hostel for a hour or two to escape the wretched rainfall but ventured out once more in the evening and my jeggings got drenched! It's NOT funny twice in the same day!! As of that moment, Montreal and I were at war and I could not see myself getting cosy with the enemy... its ruined its chances avec moi! I missed Ottawa and Toronto more than I could bear and the passion I felt for them. Montreal is definitely not my soul mate city and was swiftly becoming a grave disappointment for I'd envisioned a fairytale land; it pains me deeply to say that. 

HOW CAN ANY FEMALE RESIST A FREEBIE? - At The Nutcracker Philanthropic Christmas market, where 10% of all proceeds went to help support children from disadvantaged communities as well as gift hunting, you could enjoy complimentary chocolates. I was undressing the 5x flavours of Ferrero Rocher with my eyes, until the angel, sample lady offered them all out to me. You don't need to ask me again; I ran over with gay abandon to claim these goodies and oh, how I smiled!

A golden time was had, taking copious pictures of the kaleidoscopic fenestras of the Palais de Congres. The striking rainbow facade of 58 transparent glass panels casts out luminous patterns throughout the vestibule of the Convention Centre.