One outing to rule them all

BY NO MEANS AM I A HOBBIT NERD - 

Even so I still had the greatest time at the movie set in Matamata, when the sprightly twosome were whisked away to West Farthing to dance around bluebells and buttercups. I'd wanted to sleep on the coach but our driver preferred to commentate so I had to throw out a couple of courtesy chuckles. I didn't have the faintest notion just how charming Hobbiton would be but when in NZ, it is mandatory to visit and live out the fan fantasies. 

The tour itself was too fast paced with masses of LOTR enthusiasts roaming the 'village' so it was overcrowded and frantic with everyone vying for space and prime spots for ELFIES or group shots. We ourselves took excessive amounts of photographs but had to position ourselves closer to the front in order to do so. Most of the guided visitation went over my head, having *not* watched all of LOTR and none of The Hobbit trilogy but I was buzzin' like a bumblebee to be there all the same at the heartland of the strange inhabitants of fictional Middle Earth. 

COOL FACTS AND STUFF - 

• The 4.8 hectare farm was chosen primarily for the tall tree beside a pond to resemble the 'Party Tree' and was discovered via aerial search. Peter Jackson approached The Alexander's for permission to film on their land but they'd never heard of Lord of the Rings
• Hobbiton's original holes were polystyrene and plywood but they were all demolished after filming of The Lord of the Rings trilogy was completed. Then when the Hobbit movies were shot they made permanent structures using brick, concrete and wood - with a team of 70!
• Year round maintenance and gardeners grow seasonal produce and flowers
• Panning shots of even a millisecond had to be accurate and true to the book. As such, all the fruit was picked off the apple and peach trees which had grown and plums were added by wire purely because plums are briefly mentioned in the novel.  After all that effort, the scene was CUT!! 
• No filming took place if it was rainy to create an always happy, sunshiney feel
• Peter Jackson legally made it a 'No fly zone' to avoid leaked pics which annoyed a local flying school no end
• Clever angles were used so hobbits appeared smaller
• The director hired out a nearby house, paying for the family who owned it to take a holiday 
• Locals who fit the bill of the required 5ft 2 height with a round face were used as extras
• This is where Peter J wishes to retire
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BE JEALOUS - 

For we were admitted on 'Party Business' to explore Bag End; we must be part Hobbit! Did we exploit the opportunity??? OF COURSE! The Monty monkeys escaped our tour guide midway through to inspect the 44 fun-sized (a little like myself!) Hobbit holes on this idyllic movie set. The holes are merely decorative as filming was mainly done in the studio for interior shots. Still, we cavorted on the doorsteps of the characters: Bilbo, Samwise, Peregrin, Meriadoc and more. I re-enacted Bilbo Baggins memorable line, 'I'm going on an ADVENTURE!!!!!' in the cheeriest manner but on the wrong pathway as I had not seen the clip before. 

The attention to detail is intricate and astonishing with: a wasp on a mailbox, diddy clothes on a washing line, fake cake, lanterns and chimney tops. Manicured lawns, grassy embankments and blossom trees create the perfect vibe of The Shire and it's all these tiny embellishments that help make every day there feel like Christmas. They truly scouted out the perfect place for Tolkein's story books to come alive. 

MATAMATA MAKES YOU LIKE IT!! - 

The calm lake, complete with an operating watermill is breath taking and all eyes were mesmerised by the 80 ft party tree and brick bridge that we crossed to the Green Dragon, located in South Farthing. We gathered in the human-size set to carouse at the common tavern; sis and I procured the best table at the boozer. Ginger beer was guzzled in goblets which is brewed exclusively for Hobbiton and it did not disappoint. 

Peter Jackson is a genius for precisely depicting this merry land of enchantment where EVERYONE has fun! We stopped in the souvenir store on the way back to the bus; Amy bought the raddest snow globe. Scenes were played to us on the return to Rotorua and the LOTR geeks couldn't hide their passion for the crazed experience. But you don't need to be a Tolkein 'dork' to love each and every moment! We had a sweet, little, beautiful, wonderful, perfect, Tolkien-ian time :) 

GOOD TIMES AREN'T WASTED IN THESE PLACES - 

Many scatter to the charming, ice cream parlour that is Lady Jane's Ice Cream on Eat Streat; we didn't want to pass up on salted caramel, chocolate and almond, a scoop of boysenberry topped with sprinkled nuts. My serving was a very spirited ice cream; granted, it's not as sublime as Giapo but still they have a way with the dairy and only a NON-ice cream lover would dislike it. It wasn't nice crashing into black swans by the lakefront; terror ensued and they did not disprove my theory that every one of them are HEINOUS psychos, wishing to exact revenge upon me. I freaked for they can smell my fear!!

At 3D Trick Art Gallery we had the greatest fun with more than 50 works of vivid art that immerse you in 'an optical illusion of 3D structures from 2D paintings.' Special high transparency paint is worked with which produces a layer that adds a 'curve and reflection rate of light' and drawing techniques of shading help to give certain effects from various perspectives. It has really taken off as an enterprise in a big way! 

SO MUCH ENJOYMENT TO BE HAD FOR ALL PEOPLE - 

Some of our pics were poorly executed but most consisted of our wacky poses with en point facial expressions and we put the sexy in it!! All the images had us in non-stop, REAL laughter as I often became the butt end of the photo jokes. Where else can you: rip up an iconic painting, step into a Venice scene, receive an injection from Mona Lisa, became a baby all over again or ride dolphins and alpacas all in one afternoon?? 

We: were nearly gobbled by a giant Maori, trapped inside a wintry snow globe, bungy jumped, narrowly escaped the jaws of a croc, walked on the moon, did the haka, spurted skywards with a geyser eruption, lazed with panda, rapelled down mountains and took a flight in a hot air balloon. The coolest and largest scale work of trick art had us balanced on a log over a deep ravine in a fairy tale setting, complete with castle; a staff member took it from the gantry above and it looks so realistic!! 

AN IMPROMPTU MEXICAN - 

I was a messy pup eating chicken tacos with jalapeno aioli and salsas at El Mexicano Zafato Cantina, with the greatest taco-eating partner in crime of all time. Sauces were so deLUSHous that the kitchen crew came out to give us spoons enabling us to have every last lick! However their churros were an abomination to real McCoy churros and the chocolate sauce accompanying it was yucky. Not a one was gasto-sensuous and it took some time afterwards for me to mellow out. The dough was too oily and the batter too crunchy for my teeth. 

We cheated ourselves out of having a heck of a lot of fun on our final Rotoruan night by washing and drying a load of laundry each. As the articles of clothing were still damp at the end of the cycle and the guest laundry was due to close, we were forced to get creative with drying methods. Ergo, we resorted to 1) blasting multiple items with a hairdryer 2) opening the window and draping washing over the blinds 3) Whilst Amy's clothes were spread and hung across a storage shelfing unit, I had some garments on a picnic table outside, held down with rocks. Our titchy room became a sauna and made me feel faint as we'd gone so laundry crazy, we couldn't do anything else. We loved our hijinks together in this provincial town. 

 Here you can really see the difference angles make in creating the 3D illusion 

SUPRESSING SO MUCH RAGE - 

Thursday 5th October was a day of one disaster after another which I will now proceed to run through in chronological order - 

#UNO - Amy accidentally dropped a carton of crackers on my head and I LMAO-ed as there's now cause for me being indisputably crackers!!!!!! 

#DOS - I rolled the gigantical suitcase Julie has loaned me over my big toe on the left foot and that wasn't TOEriffic! Amy gets a gold star for her nursing assistance. I had to hobble to Kuirau Park for a foot bath for an unexpectably enjoyable park stroll. 

#TRES - There were too many black beans in my huevos rancheros at Abracabra Cade plus it took double the time Amy's order was served. Do they find that patrons are IMPRESSED by that plate? I can't say it nicely, I hated my meal and was completely disappointed having talked up how MAGIC the nosh was there to Amy. 

#QUATRO - We were catcalled by 5 year old, little rascal boys 'would you like a kiss?' No ta, we don't want social services knocking on our door. 

#CINCO - Our Intercity bus from  Taupo onto Wellington was over an hour late. I was all pumped and ready to give the driver what for but he was so apologetic about the roadworks I felt terribly for him so restrained Riannester from ranting. At least Amy was able to look at Lake Taupo. 

#SEIS - Gumboot Cafe's bowl of chips came with the most rank aioli. When have gumboots ever given you something GOOD? Stupidly named too!

#SIETE - Hellish travelling as two under tens were journeying without adult supervision, yapping away and fake giggling. A toddler was kicking the back of my chair and tried to strangle me with my coat. We then had to wait ages for the youngster cousins to be picked up by a grown up at their stop. Many of us were fuming at the parental irresponsibility!! 

#OCHO - When we finally disembarked at Wellington Railway Station, the taxi driver ran the meter up to $6 before we'd even got in the vehicle - not cool, NOT cool, notttttttt cool!! I was madder than that. He had no decency! It's times like that when I realise I need to download the Uber app. 

#NIEVE - On arrival at our arty, 3 storey Air B n B apartment, the home owners seemed incensed with the amount of possessions we'd brought with us as we lugged luggage upstairs. They made us pack up purely what we'd NEED for our stay in smaller cases they provided, leaving our larger ones the floor below. 

#DIEZ - Our hosts are odd, ODD people who wouldn't allow us to lock the bathroom door incase they needed the toilet while we were in the shower, meaning we had to keep guard for each other so they wouldn't walk in on us in a state of undress!!! I didn't want to be there with them for the next few nights. All in all, it wasn't a really magical travel day that we had and it will much amuse you.