2) The love life of a grown ass woman 'doesn't need to be dictated by the town's crazy calendar.' Cordially invite these peeps to cool it and laugh in the face of any detractors declaring that you'll die alone.
3) Envelopes for save the date cards 'give the first impression of (y)our wedding. They have to be perfect.' I am stone cold serious. Calligraphying them yourself gives that extra, personal touch that recipients will appreciate. N.B - Proper decorum states they are mailed 3 months prior to the date.
4) Red roses say 'be mine' and are 'simple, direct, to the point.' Even these dumb dumbs can't miss with this romantic floral bouquet, corsage or even a single long stem for your special someone.
6) Honeys, ZIPPO 'is more romantic than infecting others with the fever.' Helping others get babes is easier than pie and sweeter too.
7) Double dating with your Daddy and a very nice woman 'is a horrible idea!' Trying to trick two singletons into courting, is a recipe for disaster and getting your tush kicked.
8) 'Fireants' in underpants is RED HOT revenge for the no good punk, determined to ruin your happy night. That's a surefire way to stop the smirks!
9) It's not cool to 'cool things off for a while' just because your girl's turd of a dramatic ex-boyfriend is back in town and there's history.
10) Daughters don't always 'know what's best' for their poor fathers. Suddenly, setting up your Dad is not so adorable when it hits you that he doesn't want to be there.
11) There is no quiet dignity in climbing out a second storey window, down a tree and falling off the trellis!
12) Taking your date's phone at a romantic dance, to send the man you are feuding with flowers is a DATING FOUL (even if you're pretending the dozen roses are from the girl he actually is fooling around with!) When you're more excited about a war with your sexy next door neighbour than a perfect, romantic night with a veterinarian 'doesn't that tell you everything you need to know?'
14) 'Apparently breaking a window to get in isn't as easy as it seems in the movies.' Remember that next time you get locked out, silly! Or DUH DOY you're almost guaranteed to get hurt and need a doctor.
15) Maybe losing your wedding invitations is 'more than just irresponsible' and in fact might indicate that the invite loser is riddled with doubts about tying the knot.
16) 'No one knows what's gonna happen between two people.' Someone you think you have just platonic feelings for can steal your heart in the beat of it. Maybe a good time is exactly what you need ;)
17) It's a punch in the heart when your wife/mother/other loved one heartlessly leaves you to find a new home and family.
18) Who says NO to a sweet, kind doctor? You can have 'everything you ever imagined you'd want in a guy' right before you but still be a total jerk and that's very confusing and NOT nice. Especially when they're the Hemsworth brothery kind of cute.
19) When you feel as though you 'might crumble.. break into a million little parts' you don't have to be the perfect southern belle or hide your weaknesses - just be you. Nobody is expecting you to be wonder woman with all these cascading vulnerabilities.
20) Darlings, 'at least be forgiving' to the boy who acts like an eight grader and makes you crazy, because he LIKES you. You clash continually, but not so secretly he dreams that you could be together.
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