Hart of Dixie Wisdom (Hell's Belles)

1) 'To Southern people, who we came from is part of who we are. You want to fit in? Find out where you fit.' Tear through every, single box you can find to find out who your people are. You have noooo idea what you're about to walk into within this process :D

2) 'Pining over some lost love' takes all the man out of even the big and burly blokes! It's not just women who don't go out anymore and 'mope around here eating your cookie dough ice cream.' If you'd rather be at home with your spoon, empty Ben and Jerry's tubs, muffins and all manner of comfort food - knock yourself out..it's your loss.

3) Look, you don't have to avoid that guy you only went on one date with..even if it didn't work out so well. 'No need for things to be all awkward' and no reason why you can't just be friends. Unless of course, you are convinced that he wants to marry you. Darn right, he'd come across as some crazy, jealous, 'Looney tunes' pyscho after he was speaking of soul mates and intimating at a double wedding scenario on their 'first and only date.'

4) How is it the big live oaks, hundreds of years old 'keep standing storm after storm? Roots! Deep and wide.' Your family history is your roots. Pray that the fruit it bears does not turn into a poisoned apple. 'They got these things called genealogy websites cost like 39 bucks.'

5) Bridal fever strikes even the best of us. A woman who is getting married can be expected to start to clear some space for a new life. That explains why your southern belle has 'been unusually high-strung the last month or so.' A bride-to-be shouldn't be envisioned as being of sound mind and amazing body; it's an either/or situation normally. 

6) Grown women do not have to raise their arms to speak 'like a first grader having to go tinkle.' Is a gentle girl such as this, really ready to bring a child into the world? Not if Lemon Breeland has any say in it!!!

7) Making someone you don't want to join your elite and powerful society 'drink a milkshake every day. She'll get so fat!' may be the stupidest thing you've ever suggested and shows 'tiny imagination.'

8) Hell week: wearing a poofy red rosy dress every second, becoming the  slave for the day of the poisonous person who wants to cut you out of her life forever and shouting some humiliating slogan whenever the secret word is uttered - how can that not be fun?!!! Could you handle the fudge? Or do you have 'a lot of quit in' you? 

9) Yeah, things are bad when the town's fate lies in the hands of  the crazy, roof-climbing drunk, to stop a planned superstore building a road through the land. He may be a loopy lush enduring a never-ending battle with drink but he 'ain't stupid; if he knows there's money involved - he's gonna want it.'

10) Graveyards are apparently *the* place for 'sacred rituals and sometimes margaritas.' You know 'in front of the gypsy who watches over us and provides the magic and mystery in our lives.' That is, if you fall for this sort of creepy, consecrated voodoo..still it's super bad ass.

11) 'There is a biological reason that you can't conceive' it is NOT an enigma of the mystical because you've been cursed as 'there's no such thing as a curse.' Pregnancy pacts preventing any of you to have babies until all married and can have them at the same time are FALDERAL! 'Pregnancy is biology.' Most women enjoy every second of not being pregnant.. but you cannot when all you want is a child of your own. 

12) How is a compadre 'supposed 'to go and "Carpe diem" when the girl convinced you're hung up on her is 'telling every woman in town you're not dateable?' The nice guy can't always be counted on to say the right, UNstupid things and 'might as well be the town eunuch.'

13) Mangling clothes, squeezing hundreds of lemons and dog hair drying is tiring business! Just assume the 'series of trials designed to reflect the strengths, challenges and skills of the southern woman' will be an abyss of wretchedness from an abscess of a princess, before you are granted access to their mean and shallow alliance. 

14) Abide adequately by the rulings of a pink tea. 'What exactly is a pink tea? Well everything is pink..' (Right, that clears that up, then!) 1 tiny problem - 'how are you supposed to have a pink tea with red lemonade?' avec your fellow nuttees.. Dump that out and start over or you'll 'all just look like we're sipping a cup of blood, just a bunch of pretty vampires, enjoying a cup of blood before we all go on a killing spree.'

15) Parading around town arm in arm with a trashy girl either side, as per Operation  'carpe him some diem' is inherently a fools errand. Also, you shouldn't be surprised when the hotties are mistaken for hookers! 

16) 'Fear can freeze the uterus' so the friend terrorising 'witch with power to make women infertile' ought to be persuaded to 'be nice - let them have babies.' When much of what this bitter lemon does makes her girls cry; the stress prohibits impregnation!

17) To truly engage in psychological warfare: break your victims down 'without even lifting a finger.' 'The cold hand of fear around their heart' should lie from being made afraid of something you MIGHT do. Go kanuckin' nuts!

18) A little 'wet, old piece of dirt' patch of dirt is a weak ass legacy. Unless it's literally all your father has to his name and so he is bequeathing everything he owns to you. Accept it graciously and with open arms. 

19) You are strong with a side of sassy if you 'have pulled 30 hour shifts in the ER, ridden the Subway to Queens at 2am and eaten oysters off a truck.' The maleficent leader may win the battle (as you lose your dignity) but the war will be won by yours truly because there's nothing they bring that you cannot beat. 

20) 'Some things you just know, in your heart.' 

21) Why would you want to be 'surrounded by reminders' of the absentee who ran out of your home and is not a part of your life anymore? Dispose of the things belonging to the witch who ditched you, for these bring with them an icy chill of bitterness and dejection. 

22) A definition of the worst mother in the world: 'The kind who doesn't care about anyone but herself, the kind who can just leave her children without a glance back.' Count yourself blessed, if yours is the kind who would go eat gravel or chase you to the ends of the earth or walk through fire for her family and their safety, health and happiness. 

23) Though we share the same blood and history as our progenitors.. 'it's the choices I make today and everyday that make me who I am.' So smile, be kind, radiate joy and make the most of every moment.  

24) 'Paintball guns - those HURT!' Proceed paint balling, if you have the guts, my dears. Bank on bruising and oozing and bleeding and other somewhat gory wounds. All that aside, it's superrrrrr fun :D 

25) French Canadians pronounce 'guy' as 'gee' and are only marginally ridiculed for such. Not much could top the 'aboot', ey? :P