2) Do you know what happens to people when they're late on their first day? It's shorter.. 'for the rest of the year, they are labelled 'the late girl.' This is one of those things you just can't come back from.
3) It will be the last time you buy anything just because it's fluffy, when it doesn't purr on time which makes your morning a lot harder than it needed to be. Firstly, you don't have time to pick up your dry cleaning which means you must wear the chick from Dukes of Hazzard, rodeo attire when you have to meet the Headmaster of a fancy schmancy private school and you're supposed to look together and fabulous.
4) Daughters are a great thing - 'we're big fans'. Sons? Booooo. 2 thumbs down.
6) Short shorts and cowboy boots doesn't really have the desired effect of dressing for impressing, unless you're going to a hoedown. You don't want to forget your long coat when in this ensemble as that would further your embarrassment.
7) Failure is a part of life but not a part of private school education.
8) Never joke that the coffee has ran out to the little coffee nut job on a jumbo coffee morning when it's needed in an IV - 'You're sick, you're a sadist, you're a fiend.'
9) There is no escape from the critique of your wardrobe choices in a tiny community 'is that what you wore?' Their comments are a small cross to bear because their kindness far outweighs the mockery.
10) Chad Michael Murray was a cutie even pre One Tree Hill - Mummy like!!!!
11) Among your peers, every school has a Paris - the gorilla of a grief-giving snot.
12) Give fruit a nice, big squeeze prior to purchasing. 'Smaller means watery and no good peach taste'.
13) Grandmothers hate that we take the bus. 'Drug dealers take the bus'. Yes, the worms of this world ride public transport alongside us poor folk but we can't all have chauffeurs at our beck and call.
14) It is a ploy to spend more time with you, when the guy you met earlier that day tracks you down at your place of work. They're certainly more interested in your company than the company you work for, if they've gone out of their way to ask you out for a casual dinner.
15) How not to win friends at a new school: Accidentally wreck the intricately sculpted castle project crafted by a HORROR of a student, after stumbling backwards as you vigorously attempt to unjam your stuck locker. She will not want your help to fix it. Stay out of her way or she'll make school a living hell and this will suck for both of you.
16) One 'hectic bizarro day' starts with being late and your 'mother with her existing', and the father from school driving all the way to your workplace to ask you out because he fancies becoming your new boy toy.
17) Rule breaking rebels ignore the 'no cell phones' sign at their own risk. It's not as bad ass as it's claimed to be.
18) Gnome kicking is not cool and 'says a lot about a man's character'. Why must you be *that* person? Nobody wants to friendship with a gnome kicker!
19) Your life problems are 'nothing that Shakespeare couldn't turn into a really good play.' The events occurring that are so awful you cannot speak of - the Bard would wax lyrical over in a sonnet.
20) Salons are hardly the place to confront your mother about the DSL order she placed at your home, behind your back. With her head suctioned up the drier seems as good a place as any, when you've done nothing but argue, disagree and fight all throughout your lives anyway.
21) You go to an advanced school when the insults are biblical. 'Mary' means you look like a goodie goodie resembling Virgin Mary. But if somebody as attractive as Chad Michael Murry was on me like a voliceraptor, I wouldn't mind in the slightest ;) Can I get an amen?
22) 'Angry chicks are the worst' - you can't let the institution tyrant get you down. It sure feels good to beat them to a question (when all they want is to destroy you) and watch them 'turn 14 shades of purple.'
7) Failure is a part of life but not a part of private school education.
8) Never joke that the coffee has ran out to the little coffee nut job on a jumbo coffee morning when it's needed in an IV - 'You're sick, you're a sadist, you're a fiend.'
11) Among your peers, every school has a Paris - the gorilla of a grief-giving snot.
12) Give fruit a nice, big squeeze prior to purchasing. 'Smaller means watery and no good peach taste'.
13) Grandmothers hate that we take the bus. 'Drug dealers take the bus'. Yes, the worms of this world ride public transport alongside us poor folk but we can't all have chauffeurs at our beck and call.
15) How not to win friends at a new school: Accidentally wreck the intricately sculpted castle project crafted by a HORROR of a student, after stumbling backwards as you vigorously attempt to unjam your stuck locker. She will not want your help to fix it. Stay out of her way or she'll make school a living hell and this will suck for both of you.
16) One 'hectic bizarro day' starts with being late and your 'mother with her existing', and the father from school driving all the way to your workplace to ask you out because he fancies becoming your new boy toy.
17) Rule breaking rebels ignore the 'no cell phones' sign at their own risk. It's not as bad ass as it's claimed to be.
21) You go to an advanced school when the insults are biblical. 'Mary' means you look like a goodie goodie resembling Virgin Mary. But if somebody as attractive as Chad Michael Murry was on me like a voliceraptor, I wouldn't mind in the slightest ;) Can I get an amen?
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