Hart of Dixie Wisdom (Faith and infidelity)

1) Your neighbour won't fulfill their promise to fix your fly screen, unless you're nicer to them. PS - Sleeping with a flyswatter throughout a Southern summer is a must, if bugs bug you and are thereby forbidden from your abode. 

2) On a Sunday morning if there is no sign of civilisation, everyone is no doubt in church. It's considered rude to interrupt a church service already in session - IN your night clothes, no less. Make a joke about doors with WD40 and exit hastily. And yes, the reason the church doors are so loud is so you can't sneak out halfway through. 

3) Great sunshiney moods are out of the question if a Hitchcockian swarm of flies were buzzing in your ears, all night long. Isn't that a ton of fun!?! And you have these flies because the front porch next door is 'a cemetery of takeout containers, empty beer bottles and half-eaten waffles.'  

4) To avoid being left to repopulate the Earth with the incredibly unbelievable *BUFF* buffoon (who suggested this), 'when all those nice churchgoing people get whooped up to Heaven' - attend a house of worship on the Sabbath with those churchgoers. 

5) An intended insult of 'cowboy' is taken as a compliment to a hot hot hotty Alabaman man. Did we mention that he is hot.. HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6) When is bundt cake ever a bad idea? When it is delivered by your 'friendly neighbourhood preacher' and his wife to officially welcome you to your new digs. 'Down here a bundt cake, is just a bundt cake.' It's not an implied contract that you will come to church or to bully you into ecclesiastical submission.

7) 'In New York, being a good neighbour is leaving each other alone'. Bluebellers aren't exactly known for that which is killing the newcomer with all this kindly consideration. 

8) YOU can't be annoyed when you accidentally run over your drunk as a skunk father,  *due to a tremendous oversight* even if all the good fishing spots will be gone. Thereafter, randomly check to see if anyone happens to be passed out under the boat.   

9) What's wrong with this picture when your good and righteous Reverend has syphilis? He and his wife are an inspiring couple, a true love story in the town's eyes- 'funny I don't remember the syphilis part in Romeo and Juliet.' 

10) 'Do you need your hair done every week? No, you do NOT. But the beauty parlour is the best place to bond, gossip and show the people in the town you're serious about becoming one of them.' Just wait until you see your amazing/weird big, idiot hair looking back at you in the mirror! 

11) Mix ups down at the lab must happen all the time with your medical test results. 'Sometimes.. not really. Technically, it's possible. There is no one percent. That is just the statistical margin of error.'  The lab doesn't lie, deal with it. 

12) 'You are always hardest on the ones, you like the most.' 'YES, like in An Officer and a Gentleman.' Personally I blame these rom coms for teaching women that this is fair and just treatment of the opposite sex. Come on be a grown up and don't take out the bad times on those you love. 

13) It's an unwritten rule, 'the sweeter they are - the more depraved they are.' So be wary of the ones who seem cuter than a baby unicorn, for they are normally up to no good. 

14) Nobody wants to tell the perfect little minister's wife, that her husband had an affair. As much as a 'minister cheating is so cliche', that is a BIG can of worms to open. How in heaven will the worm wriggle his way out of this?

15) 'People cheat. Even the ones we trust the most.' '50% of marriages end in divorce, life goes on, people survive.' The familiar refrains which you'd think would make us refrain from love altogether. 

16) When the terrible rumour going round is YOUR fault or you have been involved in propagating it, take your drink to go! Funnily enough you won't be gladly received sitting out in the crap storm, you've just rained down upon a revered member of the neighbourhood. 

17) It should make you nervous and nauseous, if your woman is acting real different - wearing lipstick and painting her toe nails purple. However if you're about as perceptive as a pickle you won't pick up on these suspicious indicators. 

18) Try not to believe the worst in people until you have confirmed proof. No matter how interesting, scandalous or sordid the presumption. 

19) How to make your man feel guilty when he goes behind your back to befriend your sworn enemy: Serve up their favourite new food and pull out all the stops! Remind them that they can't keep dwelling on the past and have got to look to the future. For you, are their future and their forever. *Not in a slasher psycho way but an itty bit*

20) It is kinda heroic when you have to sing down the village drunk, from the hardware store rooftop with an emotive rendition of Moon River. But when this is a monthly occurrence and the man is your father, you get used to climbing heights. Fortunately, you are spared from ascending the runged ladder in high heels but it does nothing to decrease your alarm! 

21) 'Maybe 99 out of 100 people will disappoint you.. but you may find the magic of the world in the margin of error.' 

22) How can you be jealous of 'a girl with no manners, dubious breeding and hair like a grill brush.' She's not even in the same universe but somehow the world around you, has noticed her including your intended. 

23) Trust in the fact that your spouse loves you but understand that he will miss somewhere he lived for 2 years. Don't pretend that didn't happen but it's not like he'll choose to leave again if he pines for that fancy world of his. What matters is the here and now and he's here, with you. 

24) You can't just ruin someone's life and pretend it didn't happen if you're the AWFUL one who pierced the wife of the Reverend's belly button without a license. 

25) Your girl is not losing it if they want to break out and be reckless from their stifled lifestyle sometimes.