Hart of Dixie Wisdom (The undead and the unsaid)

1) 'Troubled sleep means a troubled mind' OR it could be due to listening to mosquitoes die in your bug zapper. These demons are deliberately trying to destroy your dozing, so for that reason they deserve to be hurt with a zapping! 

2) Dresses should not be deemed as cute by a father if it shows off 'places only God should see'. Daughter wants to go slummin' and is intentionally traipsing around in it, so that it cannot be returned and to treat the wondering eyes of the hormone-raged hoodlums. 

3) Lads are completely incompetent liars - every one of them. By the time a lie is thought up, they forget what they're lying about. You can always know with confidence they are up to something funky; don't let them fool you with their own foolishness. 

4) The bad girl troubles that coincide with a little sister who has Daddy wrapped around her little finger: You are made out to be the Wicked Witch and payback is imminent from the  sibling who once worshiped you. More often than not, she has a great deal of devious in her due to your duplicitous influence. 

5) Nobody is a gullible enough weenie to believe that your vehicle trampled a tramp/man/town hero who has been dead for over a year. The image of which is burned into your brain after the incident.

6) Master maddeners can have 2 people angry at them when it's not even 10am! If they weren't so gorgeous, they'd have gotten their tush tanned. 

7) Daren't get a man out of bed on pancake day to hunt for a dead guy, cos that'll just get ugly. Hunks do get precious about their pancakes, who'd-a-thunk??

8) Boys are IMPOSSIBLE to decipher. Can't all females attest to that? Decoding Dudes 101 classes may someday become fundamental in the understanding of this species. 

9) Every spooky story needs owls hooting, leaves rustling, the howls of the wind and restless ghosts (who were never declared dead as their body was not found) asking for help at the dead of night. The woods are filled with the wandering dead but most people are too closed off to accept the presence of the spirits. 

10) It's weirdly sweet when a guy is grumpy about your ghost-chasing but agrees to  a sexless sleep over on your couch, just because you are frightened. But he'll be cured of your certifiably crazy hotness. 

11) A true classic and moronically perilous rite of passage: passing out drunk from copious supplies of fruit punch and vodka. 'Is poisoning bad? YEAH it's bad!' THINK BEFORE YOU DRINK. Adolescents, abstain from alcohol completely to avoid - choking on your own vomit, cardiac arrest and death. 

12) 'Teenagers are hard'. And not only the privileged princesses inhabiting the planet. ALL full blown youths are heavy duty troublesome and require watching like a hawk. 

13) Not all ladies suffering from sleeplessness need to get laid, as the Dr Phil wannabes with their non-expert psychological insights suggest. Their venereal services will go unused because not every girl wants to be gross with these bachelor types. 

14) Talking to your mother is mandatory when: they've journeyed on 2 planes, 'sat in a bus station of a town called Hickory butt and then taken a ride with a trucker who talks of shipping craw fish'. That's not somewhat stalkery considering they created you. 

15) Super liars expecting forgiveness for the large lie that has been your child's life to be rapid is unlikely. 'Lie - that's what we do for each other.' 

16) Single fathers have to step up to the plate and parent their holy terrors after being scared half to death by a daughter's latest escapade. It's not a big sister job to take care of an abandoned family. Acting like the wife who left them 12 years ago, is coming back from the store any minute is ludicrous. 

17) Signals that your life is turning into a Wes Craven horror movie: Getting caught in a booby trap, requiring rescue from the lothario you loathe on account of the whole cliche damsel-in-distress thing, a guy who has been dead a year and has a bleeding leg wound is at bay wielding a hatchet.

18) Doing what you think is right for your child ought not to include faking your own death. This defies all logic regardless of what an unreliable, dangerous, loser of a screw up you have become. It is *the* dictionary definition of crazy. 

19) 'Some lies are for the best.' 'Make a judgment call - is it always right?' 'Do you want to hear that your cat fell from windowsill and dropped 10 floors rather than died peacefully in sleep?' :( IF the falsehood is to spare those you care for some heartache then it could be considered not so terrible.  

20) Ground a teen from seeing their friends if they got her poison drunk less than 24 hours ago. Should the grounding be broken 'have the Sheriff bring (them) home in patrol car, run siren, flash lights and say name on speaker horn whole way.' This may sound to them like a ruined life and they'll shout in your face but at least they are safe and it won't end in their death.  

21) 'People can change, apparently people can be forgiven too. Go back, look them in the eye, tell them the truth - be a Dad. ' Take heed wives: it will frighten the fudge out of you if your dead husband miraculously comes home.  

22) Sound machines are very soothing. So soothing in fact you will have to tinkle in the middle of night.